Panel 1: Merrie says "cool," which I find surprising; she seems more like a Precious Moments kid. Her face is exactly the same as April's at that age. Why does John look gobsmacked?
Panel 2: Heh, funny. Like the TTH turned out to be!
Panel 3: That house is really creeping me out, and I don't know why.
Panel 4: It's nice that Merrie is saying "please," but she sounds like a mini-adult telling a contractor what she wants.
Panel 5: I'm not sure there's anything he can do about that. Can't go down to Home Depot and get drawer-pulls for a dollhouse dresser.
Panel 6: Uh, I have never owned or seen a dollhouse that deteriorated the exact same way a real house does. The big flaw in my dollhouse was that the upper floor sagged, because it had nothing supporting it. Did those shingles fall off in a high wind? Also, Merrie suddenly says "an'".
Panel 7: Top? You mean like a mantlepiece? Anyway, it's cool that John did something for someone ELSE in that workshop.
Panel 8: And he hit his saturation point. Whatever.
Panel 1: Oh frabjous day! April gets to go out on New Year's! Wonder why Deanna doesn't need her to babysit? And no, that's not the dress Liz gave her, that John said she wouldn't leave the house in. That one had shoulder straps. Unless April modified it to this. Anyway, I have a feeling someone's going to go roadside. I just wish it wasn't with Gerald.
Panel 2: Well, I suppose that's easier to say when you're all glammed up, headed out for a NYE party. Still, John's comment rings false when I remember that he had the same reaction to April when she was 10. She dressed up for a school concert, and he gasped, "I've just seen my 'baby' turn into a 'babe'!" Someone said Lynn was playing out "11 is the new 17" in that era, and it really did seem so. Then she ratcheted April back a few notches, and her 16th-birthday transformation was supposed to be totally unprecedented.
Panel 3: Can you imagine if Summer said this to Les? And yes, April, you should move far, FAR away.
Panel 4: Heh, she finally got to you, didn't she?
Panel 5: Blaugh.
Sorry I'm late!
Panel 1: John's enthusiasm face is creepy. It always seems inappropriate for the events he's crowing about. What is he on about, anyway? Mike put up a good tree? Because you know Delicate Genius will get all the credit, even if Deanna did everything from chopping it down herself on up, but DG put the star on top, so it's his tree. The gifts? Just the ones he got, or the ones everyone got? Is he passing judgment on what other people gave/got? And so forth. Why not "I had a good time" or "Deanna is a good hostess" and like that, instead of "That was a Christmas up to my standards! Kudos to Deanna and Mike!"
Panel 2: Yeah, the whole family over 18. That's another thing that kills me about the seating arrangements. April is a teenager that any parent would be proud of. You'd think they'd want her at the main table, if only to show off to Mira. But I guess if pressed, they'd say they are proud of her -- for assuming the babysitting duties no one else wants. She's gotten over that phase of saying "What about ME?"
Panel 3: Elly, too, looks inordinately pleased...about what, exactly?
Panel 4: Oh, of course. Well, I know I'm young, because I am so not ready to relinquish control of holiday dinner. I busted my ass Tuesday (and beforehand), but to me it was worth it. Guess putting the grand in grandma does not include hosting Christmas, not that it should, of course. But I think it's mainly because Elly is now a man, and therefore can no longer cook.
Panel 1: What an odd angle. It looks like an artist's conception of a 2007 kitchen in 1966.
Panel 2: And there's Train Man! Is his "Whoa!" a comment on the pie scent, or April's grimace? Because April looks like she's smelling something UNpleasant.
Panel 3: Where he was staying out of the way, like all good men in the Foobiverse.
Panel 4: Yeah, man. Don't Pattersons ever WAIT to eat?
Panel 5: WTF? Just get on with the proposal already. I wonder how big a backlog of Coffee Talk letters there'll be when the Lynnions come back from winter break. Kool-Aiders will be crying for joy. Snarkers will be choking on their own vomit.
To-day's strip has nothing to do with Thanksgiving! :D
Panel one: Liz makes baby noises and tries to poke John's tongue. John makes baby noises, too.
Panel two: John drops Liz on her head and she dies. No, no, sorry, wrong panel. John is caught at his baby-talking!
Panel three: Elly smirks terrifyingly. John pretends to be making ponderous conversation.
I remain uninspired and bored! Sigh, Ms. Johnston.
Panel one: "Honestly, are you putting another frilly dress on that baby?" WHICH BABY? OH MY GOD THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH. ...Nah, it's Liz. We see that Elly is already trying to dress her daughter up to catch the eyes of eligible young toddler males.
Panel two: John worries that Elly is treating Liz like a doll. Oh noes! Really, my mama dressed my sister and I in all the flounciest laciest things imaginable when we were teeny, and you know why? Babies basically are dolls. XD They're not much good for anything else when they're that small. The least you can do is make them cute to look at. Anyway, John, how do you know she's not? She basically grew up into a mannequin.
Panel three: Elly wants to know where John is taking Liz. Random transition panel.
Panel four: John is taking her out to show her off! Ha ha, the hypocrite caught in his own critical hippo-ness! Elly is sporting a smirk that would give Funky Winkerbean or Sally Forth a run for their money. John, meanwhile, is hideous.
Liz? Liz is made of plastic, you guys. Move along, nothing to see here.
Panel 1: Oh, no. NO! We're going to do the "long exposition of doom in the car" again. Please pick up your pitchforks and torches, then assemble in the quad so that we may march on Corbeil.
Panel 2: And yet, despite saying in the first panel that she had so much to tell everybody, she's going to tell it all to Choo Choo Boy first. Cue eyeroll. *eyeroll*
Panel 3: You know how you get on the phone with someone and they just go on and on and will not shut up? This reminds me of that.
Panel 4: Oh, God...here it comes. I can see it a mile away.
Panel 5: Cue rimshot. *ba-dum-bum* And cue gobsmacked look.
I think people are right - we're now on autopilot. Easier to slip into the semi-hybrid state that way.
Panel 1: Yep, done with the farm. Now we get thought bubbles of doom (aka Inner Monologue).
Panel 2: Still monologuing...
Panel 3: Still monologuing...so boring...getting sleepy...
Panel 4: I really have got to learn how to express my thought bubbles as objects...
Panel 5: And after all that talk about independence, being a woman, etc. April naturally dives into JSTF's arms crying "Daddy!" Yep, just like Liz...talks a good game, but can't back up her bravado with actions.
It's my last day...good luck to albuquirky who is up next
you poor sod! Hopefully, the FOOBiverse will not still be obsessed with all things Lovepocalypse during your week!
Panel 1: Everyone's back at FOOB Central the First, having a BBQ!
Panel 2: The Magical Writing Fairy is doing up some small steaks. What the...?!? I thought Mikey-Poo was too poooooooor to be serving up anything except gruel. Guess DeeDoormat's Oxycontin/Merlot Milkshakes aren't the only drain on the household budget.
What in gods' name is The Magical Writing Fairy wearing?!! He looks like Yoko Ono smashed up with a trucker wearing shorts that are too high waisted! I hope Teh Genius has a brush to apply that BBQ sauce with. The BBQ fork isn't going to cut it.
Panel 3: Everybody's there. Including some old fart (aside from Gramps...who is wearing the weirdest hat EVAH!) who I didn't recognize the first three times I looked at this panel. That's supposed to be Gordo with his son...Paul? Peter? Pansy? I can't remember. And frankly, I don't care. Gordo totally looks like a geezer in this panel...pushing 60!
Robin stares confusedly at the shrimp from the shrimp ring Jelly is passing out. Francie really is far more advanced than Robin, isn't she? She's in the background socializing with her dad while Robin is a silent lump at the table, surrounded by oblivious adults. Or maybe Francie knows exactly what the score is and consequently is clinging to Granthony? "Noooo, Daddy....don't leave me alone with the Foooooooooobs! Nnnnnooooooo!!" (Why aren't the kids playing together? That's a bit weird, isn't it? What kind of Stepford BBQ is this?)
Panel 4: Oh hell...those are supposed to be burgers in Panel 2. Eeew! Since when are patties square edged? Jelly is bellying up and loading up her plate. Robin stares, puzzled, at the remnants of his hot dog. That hot dog is unhumanly long. And why hasn't anyone cut up the hot dog for the poor kid? Choking hazard anyone?
Panel 5: Jelly is making "num-num" noises which seems to fascinate Robin. He's thinking "scanning...older adult human female [codename: Jelly Unit 3000] is consuming charred sustenance and making extraneous noise. Analyse...analyse..."
We only see the Traaaaaaaaaaain Man in silhouette (again! Not a day goes by when Lynn doesn't use that
schlocky artistic tool!)
Panel 6: Robin, in an attempt to understand the Jelly Unit 3000, continues to observe her intake of sustenance and mimics her actions to see if he can elicit a response. The Jelly Unit 3000 is far too engrossed in consuming, however, to the point where the sustenance is dripping down the front of her shirt. Classy!
Panel 7: The Jelly Unit 3000 attempts to socialize with the other adult humans at the party by utilizing hyperbole to describe her extraordinary intake of sustenance. Robin, traumatized as most of us are by daily threats of terrorism on TV (his babysitter, natch) hears the words "blow up" and has a panic attack.
Panel 8: Sister-bot (aka Meredith) approaches the Jelly Unit 3000 and offers it a toasted marshmallow. Robin, recognizing the marshmallow as sustenance (but not the shrimp, nor the hot dog, nor the hamburger...what DO they feed this child?!) panics and...
Panel 9: ...calls for his daddy. What the...?? Mike, the useless, who is going to do what, exactly? Glurge the exploding Jelly Unit 3000 with quotations from "Stoned Season" so that the Jelly Unit doesn't pose a fire hazard? Well, with enough puke...which is liquid...it can be accomplished. Gods know Lynn has milked a lot of puke out of my innards in the past year or two...
HEY!! I just realized...April is nowhere in sight. What?! The?! F*ck?!?! ::eyes turn red, roaring ensues:: F*cking Gordon is there but April is nowhere in sight?!? rrrrRRRRAAAARRRRR!!!
They should be sliced It's been a slice folks. Thank you (?) for suffering through this with me. ;)
We're finally at the new house! And nothing's falling on it!
Panel one: Again with the car! Lazy, lazy, lazy! Ape's says she used to the house. Of course, she'd be spoiled if she wasn't.
Panel two: Silhouette. And here comes the brainwashing. "Oh golly gee, Dad! I've got it so swell compared to other kids! I've got a bed and a roof! And that's all I'll ever need until I marry some dullard like my neato sister! Let's break out the Pat Boone album and the Ovaltine to celebrate!"
Panel three: Who says "Squares" instead of "Square Meals?" I'll tell you who, some writer trying to fit a pun into a contrived joke.
Panel four: Ok, it took me three times to get this. I thought she was saying his belly was square. Hey April: People who say "square" are, so don't throw stones.
Panel five: I know, it's supposed to be cute, but it looks mean. If he's hitting her hard enough to knock off his glasses, then it's time to call in Social Services. And what's that fuzzy thing over her head?