Tags: biography


Collection Recap: "The Lives Behind the Lines" (Part 1)

This collection was so large that I've broken the recap into different sections.  I didn't intend to transcribe the book, but feel that I've come close.  There are two reasons behind this: one is due to the inconsistencies I couldn't help finding, and the other because of the possibility that these details will help with the various foefics.

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The rest of the Anthography

I'm done! Yay, I can get Anthony Caine out of my brain and I can get out of his. Anthony's brain? Not a pretty site.

Okay, I tried to put the next installment into a post, but it was too long. See here for the whole mess. The new part begins with "To Anthony’s relief, neither he nor Liz was called back for further testimony."
Indignant Candiru

The Liography Has Landed!!!

RED ALERT!!! This is not a drill!! The Liography has landed. My reaction on reading it was a quotation from the Late Great Twenty-Four: "Wow!! That SUCKED!!"


- Anthony's ball-buster of a Dad has the first name "Gavin."

- His birth mother is a gold-digging parody of an ex-model named Hanneke.

- The Mrs. Caine Elly gets along with so well is his step-mother Clarice.

- Her brother Max is the uncle who supplied the butt-ugly tuxes for the Settlepocalypse and is the guy who got Anthony interested in carpentry.

- He has a baby sister Abigail who he referred to as The Lump.

- Therese's maiden name is "Arsenault" and her dad Roger is Gavin's BFF. (Don't laugh. It's a real name and is fairly common. You could say that Lynn has a camera in my phonebook.)

- Her hatred for Liz stems from her wealthy father's weakness for cheating on her mother with predatory blue-eyed blondes.

- Her walking out on Anthony was due to her being in the manic phase of bipolar disorder.

(Ignore that part. She was clearly sick of being her parents' puppet and didn't care about the cost.)

- Beth answers our complaints about "I have no HOOOOOOOOME!" with "As soon as it was out, he was appalled at himself. After what she'd been through, the last thing Liz needed was any more unwanted male attentions. He kept his mouth shut and kicked himself the rest of the way for being such a jerk. When they arrived at the Patterson's home, he apologized with miserable sincerity."

- The end of the thing has a banner that reads "For Better or For Worse" so we can check yet another entry off the Settlepocalypse bingo card.
Snarky Candiru2

Anthony's Bio: an alternative......

It occurs to me that if Lynn had made Anthony a smug bastard with a Don Quixote complex instead of Emo Boy, his biography might be easier to take. I'll start with the first segment and you'll see what I'm getting at. If we'd seen:

"He first noticed Elizabeth Patterson at the Winter Holiday Pageant back when he was in Grade One. While his mother was slowly fuming about the [expletive deleted] secularists and their war on Christmas, the cute little girl with blond hair from 1-B was holding back a flood of tears. The reason: her older brother, a large, sullen-looking boy with dark hair was calling her a cruel name. Their dad, who he recognized as his dentist Doctor Patterson, looked like he'd wanted to put an end to it (and the boy) on the spot. The mother, on the other hand, stood there wringing her hands as if it was too much trouble to make things okay for her child. This made Anthony mad. If he were the same size as the cruel hoodlum Michael, he'd show him how to talk to a lady. Later on in life, he'd noticed her weird attraction to look-alikes of Michael who also treated her badly and wondered at it."

instead of Look back in wangst, we'd feel better about him.

As for his teenaged years, let's try:

"If there was one thing that made a sweet ride complete, it was a hot babe in the passenger seat. Too bad he could never really rely on Liz for that. Oh, she might be promising if she took the broomstick out of her rear end but with Mommy Dearest hovering over her yapping about having to watch her baby sister, that seemed unlikely. He could get the occasional rise out of her by hanging out with a more attractive girl but it didn't last. Besides, who needed the drama?"

This, of course, matches with the guy we've seen.

As for a more skillful attempt at remedial biography, let's try:

"He'd heard later on from Lawrence that Liz hadn't gone directly to the police like he'd told her to. What's more, she'd turned "Homewrecker? Too frigging late." into a pathetic whine. She was good like that."

As for a finisher:

"Granted, having Liz finally decide to marry him because she wanted a Daddy to protect her from the Big Scary World was a bit of a hollow victory but after making a complete mess of his first marriage because he was stupid and immature, he felt he needed to punish himself a bit."