(Strip Number 7093, Original Publication Date, 30 August 1981)
Panel 1: We start things off with the kids watching a poorly-drawn Big Bird on a television that's somehow embedded into a closet door; as they do so, Evil, Conflict-Causing John comes in holding his newspaper and looking at his wrist-watch.
Panel 2: As his twelve-inch long fingers reach for the anachronistic dial, his children yell "NO, DADDY!!"
Panel 3: He tells them that it's his turn to watch the TV and he wants to watch the evening news; their response is to whine Aw.
Panel 4: Mike tells him that Sesame Street and Mister Rogers are on.
Panel 5: John reacts to that by turning to change the channel and say that he's watching the news; they reply by saying the word WHINE!!
Panel 6: John escalates things by angrily launching into the old it's-MY-TV-I-look-after-it-I-pay-for-rep
Panel 7: He really starts to be stupid by making that repulsively stupid palms-out gesture and bargaining with the kids; he insists that since they watch their shows all day, it's only fair that he get to see his. Sure, John; NotGeneral Hospital, NotDays Of Our Lives and NotAs The World Turns are kids shows.
Panel 8: Their reply to his attempt to sway them by posing himself as a victim is to yell UNFAIR!!!! so loudly, his glasses are halfway off his face.
Panel 9: As his children glower at him, John stands there filled with angst and thought-bubbles that no matter how fair he is, he's still unfair.
Summary: I have two problems with this; not only is it going to be the chief source of discussion this week, I have an issue with John's definition of what the word 'fair' means. We're weeks away from his spanking Mike's ass because the kid told him to his face that the notion "We don't have to feed, clothe and house you so you have to do things for us to reward us for our generosity" is bullshit. This makes me think he wouldn't know fairness if it bit him on his entitled ass. To me, John is best summarized by the cover image of the collection 'Pushing 40'; the John Patterson I know is a man who insists that his family bend over backwards to allow him to do something revoltingly juvenile because he's The Great Provider. You can just tell he'd be the sort of whiny little bitch Warner Brothers has turned Scooby Doo into lately if they told him to kiss off.