dreadedcandiru2 (dreadedcandiru2) wrote in binky_betsy,

The Vacationers....

Now that the Summer vacation is upon us, we should remind ourselves that the Pattersons never get to have a family vacation that does not in one way or another suck. As fairest1 reminds us, this is owing to a lack of forethought that might be considered criminal. Bear with me as I read the list of charges:

  • August 1980: They had a weekend at the beach or lake or something that did little more than remind them how great indoor plumbing and properly cooked food were.
  • July 1981: The trip we are about to see was marred by John's inability to remember directions which meant that they ended up in the wrong cabin. They spent the better part of August bickering about it and yelling at Mike for nothing.
  • January 1982: John and Elly's trip to Barbados is the prototype for all the kid-free vacations they had later on.
  • July 1982: Their train trip to Vancouver was spoiled by Elly's inattention to detail which led to them sleeping in cramped little roomettes.
  • July 1983: The trip to Bev's farm is less a vacation than it is the prototype for all the times John and Elly packed their kids off to the farm because they were ascared that said kid would get past second base.
  • March 1995: The trip itself was uneventful; the aftermath was anything but because of the stupid lie Elly told to keep April from wanting to go. Since the big idiot thought the child had the memory of a goldfish, she never figured out that April risked her neck because she felt like she missed out.
Tags: foob history

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