dreadedcandiru2 (dreadedcandiru2) wrote in binky_betsy,

Elly's letter, late March 2010

Okay, you probably weren't planning on hearing from me for a while; that's because I thought it was going to take a while for me to be given a clean bill of mental health. I was sort of astonished that one of the first things they wanted me to do is to gather everyone together and try to make amends; that's one of the later of the twelve steps so having it now seems a bit rushed. It took me a while to write down what I was going to say but I think my message might do some good. I would get with the program and type it but, well, me and the QWERTY keyboard have never gotten along. Once these tablet deals that allow you to write longhand (or even ones that you can talk to like on Star Trek) become more common, I can scratch "send e-mails effortlessly" off the to-do list. In any event, I got Jean to scan my notes and e-mail them to the Richardses in Vancouver and Bev's office in Aberdeen; that way, if something happens to them, I can get a back-up copy. That being said, I'll sort of hint as to what I'm going to say to each person:

- Claire: Figuring out what to say to her was the hardest part; I could have said something flippant about her being my greatest achievement BECAUSE I had no part in her upbringing but this is not the place for my brand of levity. I know that she's been told why my parents and I did what we did but a video will is not enough; she needs to hear from the source what drove me to shut her out of my thoughts and why the fear of her twisted my thinking; she needn't forgive me but she should at least understand me.

- April: She's the second-hardest person to talk to; for all our talk of how being physically present, it's clear that despite being in the same house with her for most of our lives, she and I were millions of miles away from each other. Man, when I think of the stupid-ass things I said to create that gap; things like "Be friends with a rotten little puke who wants to paste you for a dumb reason", "I'd rather believe a con artist than you" and "I'm sorry you feel bad about how Mike crowded you out of your home." She has absolutely no right to expect anything like common sense from yours truly but I'd like to at least give it a good shot.

- Iris: Holy mother MacCree, what do I say to her to make up for not picking up on her cries for help? Any random idiot off the street would have immediately told her "No dice" when she proposed taking care of Dad by herself; I'm pretty much dumber than that random idiot so I've gotta take my lumps and like'em.

- John: Well, since we both expected things of each other that we had little if any right to, he's sort of easier to talk to; sure, he's sorry for acting like an arrogant twit NOW but where was the cool John when I needed him?

- Phil and Georgia: Remember how I kept harping on their fertility issues when I told people that's why they didn't have kids? I lied; I was just upset because they didn't WANT them. I didn't really ever want kids myself but thought I HAD to so, well, yeah.

- Mike: Oh, dear; back to the hard part. Not only do I have to explain what possessed me to marry John, I have to make sense of my horrible parenting methods. Having to answer the unanswerable in a way that makes him feel less of a twit isn't going to easy but I think I have a handle on it. I doubt, though, it'll make a dent on his notion that every little thing that goes wrong is the end of the world since he was raised by two people who thought that way. I also think that giving him my honest opinion of the low grade Borgia-wannabe he married is going to help; I remember what happened when I gave Connie my honest opinion of Ted so I'm likely to get a repeat performance. (Note; don't make or permit to be made any stupid jokes about his and Weed's bromance. Trivializing who he is would undo any good I might try to do.)

- Liz: Geez, she's almost as tough to talk to as Claire or April; since I spent most of my time either running away from her or not taking the threat Mike represented seriously, she doesn't feel at home anywhere and it's effing with her marriage. I'd like to think saying that out loud would help make her better able to decide what her life will be like but I'm not in charge of what she thinks. (Also, she's gonna be peeved hearing how I let Fiona latch on to her cat.)

- Anthony: He's the simplest to talk to; he might not like hearing that I hated his wife because she had the guts to do what I could only dream of but he needs to hear it.

I'm not expecting any miracles from this meeting; the Elly that thinks that things like that fall out of the sky has left the building. I'll give you a summary of the vaguely disappointing conclusion after Easter Monday.

Till then,

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