forworse (forworse) wrote in binky_betsy,
forworse
forworse
binky_betsy

Why We Hate Anthony

Title inspired by Shaenon K. Garrity's brilliant essay.

And now...a look at Liz and Anthony over the years as they dated, broke up, dated, broke up, dated and broke up, all the while shuffling towards the Settlepocalypse.  I know there are plenty of strips and storylines I've missed, especially in the high school years, and I've left out any childhood strips where Liz has an unnamed friend who looks like he might be Anthony (I think he was named Patrick in one), but the catalogue was beginning to churn up the same strips again and again when I searched on Anthony's name so I thought it was probably time to stop torturing myself and post the search results so I can recover with some excellent snark.

 

12 October 1993: Anthony waited just in case Liz was taking the late bus.
15 October 1993: Liz doesn’t notice her stalker.
21 October 1993: I’m really hoping this doesn’t mean there’s something physically showing.
22 October 1993: Anthony wishes that he and Liz could be a couple.
23 October 1993: “The search is over…love was right before my eyes.” – Survivor.
9 December 1993: Liz doesn’t realize that Anthony has begun to stalk her and will not stop until they are married, have two kids (one his, one theirs) and open a B&B. 
11 December 1993: Anthony has a seriously disturbing rescue fantasy about Liz. Seriously disturbing because he clearly never forgot it and finally got to live it when Howard attacked her and Anthony just happened to be around because he had gone to her workplace to beg her to wait for his marriage to end so she could become a mum to his five-month-old daughter.

31 January 1994: Anthony gets hot around Liz.
2 February 1994: Dawn and Candace have to tell Liz that Anthony likes her.
3 February 1994: Dawn and Candace cook up the love note plot.
4 February 1994: Fed up with waiting for Anthony or Liz to make a move, Candace forges a love note from Liz and slips it inside Anthony’s textbook.
5 February 1994: Miss Edwards confiscates the note.
7 February 1994: Dawn freaks out.
8 February 1994: Miss Edwards returns the note but Dawn races to intercept it.
9 February 1994: Dawn eats the note before Anthony can read it.
10 February 1994: Duane teases Anthony about Dawn’s note and Liz storms off. It’s like Degrassi Junior High around here.
11 February 1994: Anthony chases after Liz and they have their first kiss.  (Thanks to lectrice  for finding this strip and the next one!)
12 February 1994: Candace and Dawn admit it isn't their job to get Liz and Anthony together, but note that the plot succeeded eventually.
13 February 1994: Anthony and Liz’s first date.

1 June 1994: In an illustration of the pot calling the kettle black, Liz thought-bubbles that Anthony eats funny.
Some missing strips where Liz and Anthony call it quits.
8 June 1994: Liz and Anthony make up and discuss all the things they have in common.

12 October 1994: Anthony gets braces to correct his overbite, as he is too young to grow a moustache to hid it. In response to your question, April, sadly, yes they can.
30 June 1995: Liz, Dawn and Anthony hang out at Eastgate Mall

20 September 1995: Liz and Dawn check out the Grade 12 guys at their new school, but Liz yells at Anthony for talking to another girl.
6 October 1995: Liz wants to break up with Anthony because he is predictable.
7 October 1995: Liz mulls over whether to dump Anthony.
16 October 1995: Liz wants to break up with Anthony, but procrastinates.
17 October 1995: Candace offers to dump Anthony on Liz’s behalf.
18 October 1995: Dawn and Liz watch Candace dump Anthony for Liz.
19 October 1995: Candace softens the blow by hugging Anthony and Liz gets jealous.
20 October 1995: Liz confronts Candace and finds out the Candace told Anthony he could take her to the Hallowe’en dance.
21 October 1995: Dawn points out that Liz got what she wanted in the end, but Liz isn’t listening.
24 October 1995: Elly’s assessment is too close to the truth.
25 October 1995: No way is Liz gonna apologize.
26 October 1995: Somehow, being ignored by Liz doesn’t affect Candace in the least. Imagine!
27 October 1995: Anthony thanks Liz for dumping him because he’d wanted to be with Candace all along.
28 October 1995: Elly notices that Liz is blue and tries to cheer her without prying for details. Impossible to snark. Lovely strip.
1 November 1995: Dawn tells Liz that Candace ran off with a Grade 12 guy at the dance.
2 November 1995: Anthony didn’t mind being ditched by Candace.
3 November 1995: Anthony and Liz decide just to be friends.

1 January 1996: Anthony loves to gossip with the girls. (Note: this strip mentions Candace’s brother.)
9 January 1996: Anthony sticky-outy tongue laughs.
22 January 1996: Anthony and Liz work on a project about Romeo and Juliet and their lack of communication, and Anthony reveals that a misunderstanding led him to be less than predictably punctual.
31 January 1996: Anthony is, like, really deep and expresses deep insight into Candace’s psyche. Like most teenaged boys, right?

8 October 1996: Anthony is president of the “Aliens” Space Club

Various missing strips where Anthony and Liz call it quits.  Eventually Liz gets a haircut and...
19 February 1997: Anthony agonizes over having called Liz beautiful.
20 February 1997: Missing strip where Anthony and Liz agree to go out.
21 February 1997: Liz and Anthony, on their date, feel that they have passed the stage of puppy love (because all teens call it that, dontcha know?).
24 February 1997: Liz gushes to Dawn about her date with Anthony, and wonders if this is what love is like.
27 February 1997: Believe me, April, I wish they’d stopped around this point, too.

7 March 1997: Liz invites Anthony over, but he and Frank watch hockey and ignore the girls.  (Frank is the boyfriend of Sally, John's hygienist, who is staying at the house to babysit Liz and April while John and Elly are off on a child-free jolly.)
27 March 1997: Mike realizes what he really sees in Deanna.

29 April 1997: Anthony can’t wait to get out of Milborough.

19 May 1997: April spies on Liz and Anthony.
20 May 1997: Liz doesn’t want to do anything with her friends because they’re not Anthony.
22 May 1997: Dawn is jealous of the time Liz spends with Anthony
23 May 1997: Anthony gets his driver’s licence and ditches Liz to spend time with Frank – it’s a “guy” thing.
9 June 1997: After Liz accuses Anthony of ignoring her, Anthony tells her, “It’s not that I don’t love you”, but… and has pervy thoughts about back seats.
10 June 1997: Anthony talks some more about cars and Frank and how Frank is taking him to dealerships. It’s like Frank is his first and only male friend.
17 June 1997: Liz gets her driver’s licence, but Anthony still prefers to hang out with “the guys” and check out cars than go out with her.
20 July 1997: Liz dresses up to see Anthony, only to find out he only wants her to keep him company while he and Frank work on Frank’s car.

16 January 1998: Elly doesn’t trust Liz and Anthony to be alone in Liz’s room.
20 January 1998: Liz walks Anthony to his car so they can make out without being seen

21 March 1998: Anthony’s grandmother found that staying at the Caine house just one time was more than enough. (Side note: this is the one strip which suggests that Anthony had a sibling.)

14 June 1998: Anthony doesn’t have any money, any foresight or any observational skills. I guess James Allen arrived because Anthony was supposed to be in charge of contraception.
22 June 1998: Liz and Anthony leave their graduation dance to party. (Just the two of them? Wait a moment: was Eric not her first?! Was it ANTHONY?!)

3 January 1999: Liz and Anthony make out in the car.
4 February 1999: Anthony seems rather nervous about the amount of detail Liz shares with her parents.

19 July 1999: Mike is surprised that Anthony and Liz are still together.
18 August 1999: About three weeks before university starts, Liz and Anthony tell each other where they are going to study. She isn’t bothered by his revelation, but he reacts with more emotion when he discovers that she isn’t going to be near him.
19 August 1999: Anthony is still surprised that Liz hasn’t mentioned her university plans to him until a few weeks before she leaves.
27 August 1999: Liz stops Anthony before he begs her to stay with him, telling him instead that they’ll always be friends, but she doesn’t want to complicate things.

27 December 1999: Liz tells Jim that she and Anthony are just friends
28 December 1999: …but, since they haven’t met anyone else yet and feel lonely at university, they might as well make out.  It's pretty much the same reason they'll get married. 

3 April 2000: A rare glimpse of a friend of Anthony other than Frank: his university roommate and most likely candidate to have been his best man at Wedding No. 2, Glenn.

24 August 2000: A leering Anthony woofs at Liz.
26 August 2000: Anthony and Liz say goodbye (Take One). Elly and John confess that they hope Anthony and Liz will wind up together one day.
6 September 2000: Liz tells Candace that she and Anthony are officially through (as a couple; he’s still stalking her, though). Candace remembers that Anthony called.
9 October 2000: Liz signals to Candace that she desperately wants to avoid talking to Anthony.
10 October 2000: Liz doesn’t want to speak to Anthony, so leaves a message on his voice mail.

28 December 2001: First appearance of the Pornstache.
29 December 2001: Liz comments on existence of Pornstache, but does not express an opinion about it. Anthony tells Liz how he never stopped thinking about her.
30 December 2001: Liz tells April that there’s nothing wrong with spending New Year’s Eve with Anthony because their respective partners aren’t there. Elly and John high-five when April points out that Anthony and Liz spending New Year’s Eve together could wreck their current relationships.
31 December 2001: Elly tells Connie how she always liked Anthony. Anthony and Liz spend New Year’s Eve together while she forgets about Eric and Anthony evidently waits until midnight so he can embrace Liz before telling her that he’s engaged to Thérèse.
1 January 2002: Liz likes it when Thérèse’s fiancé puts his arm around her to keep her warm.
2 January 2002: He might be engaged to what’s-her-name, but it’s all Liz’s fault for not being around.
9 January 2002: Anthony and Liz say goodbye (Take Two): Anthony has to say goodbye because he’s now engaged to Thérèse.

9 July 2002: John has sent Liz to the garage to see Anthony, even though everyone knows he’s engaged. Gordon even adds to the pressure by saying that he figured Anthony and Liz would be engaged, and reminds Liz of Anthony’s fiancée’s name and that Thérèse is nice.
31 July 2002: Liz tells Anthony that she’s single, but reminds him that he’s engaged, which prompts him to rave about the wonderful woman he will marry…oh wait…no, he just mentions that the ring was expensive.
1 August 2002: Anthony wants Liz to meet Thérèse while Liz quizzes him about when he will be getting married.
2 August 2002: Gordon has asked Anthony to manage Mayes’ Motors.
3 August 2002: Anthony and Liz say goodbye (Take Three).

1 April 2003: Even Elly recognizes that Liz has a faulty memory.

10 July 2003: What are you gonna do? I guess you could send a nice card and stay away like a normal person would do. But at least Lawrence might know a nice gay man who won’t lust for you, because gay people only know other gay people.
11 July 2003: Don’t worry Liz, Dennis is gay.
12 July 2003: It’s a shame they can’t be friends, but they can’t. Don’t forget: Dennis is gay.
15 July 2003: Dennis is gay, so he won’t lust for Liz.
28 July 2003: Anthony reveals that he shares the Patterson snobbery about having a university degree.
29 July 2003: That’s because Gordon is dumb. He didn’t go to university, see?
15 August 2003: Mike confronts Liz about her motives for going to Anthony’s wedding.
16 August 2003: In a rare moment of insight, Mike calls Liz out on her crap. Her reaction proves that he’s hit the nail on the head.
18 August 2003: Dennis is gay. But it’s OK, conservative reader-folk: he’s obviously celibate! Or he just flits from one random encounter in a public lav to another.
20 August 2003: Dennis tells Liz that her ploy has succeeded and she looks both ravishing and innocent, as if she has no intention of upstaging the bride.
22 August 2003: Anthony’s wedding to Thérèse takes place in silence until Liz whispers to Dennis that it could have been her. I used to imagine she said this with relief, but now realize it was probably supposed to have been wistful.
23 August 2003: Dennis congratulates Liz on surviving Anthony’s wedding. She won’t be quite so lucky at his next one.
25 August 2003: Liz tells April about Anthony’s wedding.

31 December 2003: Hold hands and pray for world peace as Anthony drags Thérèse to a party with his boss, his ex-girlfriend, and other people who have known his ex-girlfriend’s family for years, then wonders why Thérèse is suspicious.
1 January 2004: Anthony’s impressed when he watches Liz and Dennis dance, but Thérèse (again, rightly) suspects that Liz is hardly the innocent she appears.
2 January 2004: Anthony assures Thérèse that there’s nothing between him and Liz, but Thérèse’s expression suggests that she isn’t buying it.
5 January 2004: Liz moans about how unfair it is that she shouldn’t be hanging around a married man when they both have feelings for each other.

16 January 2004: Two weeks after assuring his wife that there’s nothing between him and Liz, Anthony goes to the bus station to see Liz.
17 January 2004: Anthony and Liz say goodbye (Take Four).

31 May 2004: Forty weeks to go before Françoise is born.  Up at Nippissing U, Liz is about to graduate and return to Milborough.  Gee, I wonder if Anthony knew that and felt amorous?

18 August 2004: Anthony tells Liz that he and Thérèse are going to have a baby.
19 August 2004: Liz enthuses to Anthony about moving up north to teach, and they hold hands.

1 January 2005: Liz discovers that Thérèse is pregnant.  Guess her close friend Anthony, about whom she has cared for years, neglected to mention this.
3 January 2005: A pregnant Thérèse tells Anthony to let Liz go.
4 January 2005: Liz whines to Dawn and Shawna-Marie that she leaves Anthony alone, so why is Thérèse so jealous? Turns out crazy Thérèse is even jealous of Tracey: Shawna-Marie’s cousin’s friend overheard something so it must be true!
5 January 2005: Dawn and Shawna-Marie tell Liz that Anthony’s marriage isn’t working.
6 January 2005: Thérèse is such a bitch. Just because her husband has abandoned her at a party filled with his high school friends so he can chase after his ex-girlfriend, not to mention that she is pregnant and might be tired and have an aching back, can’t drink, probably doesn’t feel like dancing, and now she has her suspicions about her husband’s true loyalties confirmed – and in public in front of all his friends. Geez, talk about over-sensitive.
7 January 2005: Anthony explains that Thérèse is grouchy and insecure because she is pregnant. Yeah, her attitude probably has nothing to do with her having to accept that she’s having a baby with a man who will never stop loving his ex-girlfriend. But it’s not all bad: Liz falls and bangs her head.
8 January 2005: Thérèse has to stand and watch as her husband tends to his injured ex-girlfriend. Liz might be on crutches for a while, but Thérèse now knows for certain that she is soon to bring a child into a loveless sham of a marriage. Yes, someone has been hurt.

7 March 2005: Françoise Caine is born. It’s never stated explicitly, but since it appears that Anthony’s only friend was named Frank, he was the likely namesake. Anthony’s boss’ wife phones Anthony’s ex-girlfriend’s parents and younger sister with the news. As one does.
8 March 2005: April calls Liz to say that Anthony is now a father of a baby girl. Yup, April. Anthony doesn’t even bother calling his beloved Liz with this news.
28 March 2005: Anthony tells Elly that he’s buying Gord and Tracey’s old house.
30 March 2005: In what is probably the only example where she appears without the biased commentary or points of view of Anthony, Liz, Dawn, Shawna-Marie or Elly, Thérèse is gracious to April at the baby shower.

21 July 2005: Gordon brings Liz to see Anthony at home because John and Elly have reminded him how much he owes them.
23 July 2005: Anthony still dreams of a life with Liz, away from the Frenchwoman and the crying baby she stuck him with.

12 August 2005: Because those people in his house, who just happen to be his five-month-old daughter and his wife, have never counted in his estimation.
13 August 2005: Anthony cops a feel as he comforts Liz. Oh wait, that’s her right hand in Panel 2. But where has he put his hand?
15 August 2005: Anthony guesses that he punched Howard.
16 August 2005: Anthony hasn’t forgotten what he came for.
17 August 2005: Anthony has no home.
18 August 2005: After a sexual assault, what every girl is longing for is her married ex-boyfriend to proposition her.

24 April 2006: Anthony tells John that Thérèse has left.
25 April 2006: Anthony keeps moaning.
26 April 2006: Anthony feels like a loser because he has completely missed Thérèse’s point: he had won. He was now free to pursue Elizabeth without the encumbrance of a wife.
27 April 2006: Anthony says that he has started divorce proceedings and lets John know that he is all growed up now and can’t keep wallowing in the past. Here’s a way to do that: stop lusting for your ex-girlfriend.
29 April 2006: John is so moved by Anthony’s story of woe that he hugs Elly. Check out the description: “Hugs Elly, doing laundry”.
1 May 2006: “WAIT!” Liz hears the news straight from the horse’s mouth…hang on, scratch that. April tells Liz that Anthony is divorced. Not Anthony. Not John. April. Again the big news comes not from Anthony himself, but from April.

27 July 2006: Anthony unnerves Liz when he goes into creepy stalker mode and barely lets her get a word in edgewise.
28 July 2006: Anthony thinks he has a chance with Liz; Liz worries that she has encouraged him unintentionally.
29 July 2006: Elly pushes Liz to see if there’s a future with Anthony.

10 October 2006: Anthony thinks you have far too many clothes on, Liz.
11 October 2006: While Liz recounts her court ordeal, having to relive her assault at Howard’s hands, Anthony provides support by fantasizing about kissing her.
12 October 2006: Anthony lures Liz to his lair. The keywords say “Hidden Love” and “Romance”, which are useful guides as to what I am supposed to think about this, as opposed to how it really makes me feel.
13 October 2006: Anthony shows off the baby cage in the basement.
14 October 2006: Anthony boasts about his domestic chores but no one will ever write to Coffee Talk to say what a catch he was for Liz.

10 November 2006: Anthony also communicates with his eyes, possibly through Morse Code (blinking alert).
27 November 2006: After Anthony’s testimonial, Liz notes that he’s always been there. That’s because he’s stalking her. (Note: one of the keywords for this strip is “love”.)
28 November 2006: Where is he when you need him?

24 February 2007: John weighs in.

1 May 2007: Liz thinks it’s time to find out about her chances with Anthony.
3 May 2007: Liz asks Anthony to Shawna-Marie’s wedding and gets turned down.
4 May 2007: Liz tells herself that Anthony won’t hang around forever waiting for her. WRONG!

13 June 2007: Fortunately, Julia is portrayed as dumpy and socially gauche, so it’s OK for Anthony to abandon her at a party filled with people she’s never met. At least he didn’t marry her first.
15 June 2007: Now that Anthony’s lip is bald again, Liz is getting kind of interested. She didn’t relish the thought of moustache salt, but now that the Pornstache is no more…
16 June 2007: Julia has to throw Anthony at Liz.
5 July 2007: “Oh, have I missed you!!” Well, only physically. Emotionally you’ve never been apart from her.
6 July 2007: Julia keeps her distance. She doesn’t want anyone to know she came to a wedding with someone who ran off into the rose bushes to act like an idiot with his ex.
7 July 2007: They’ve found something they’ve lost: their childhood romance. They’ve also lost something they once had: their minds.
22 July 2007: It’s just easier than being stalked all the time, Liz thinks.
6 August 2007: Phew. They’re using protection.
7 August 2007: For some reason Liz narrates to Anthony events at which he was present.
8 August 2007: Liz does something to Anthony’s face which is even more disgusting than the Pornstache.
9 August 2007: Having spent some time romping in the roses, Anthony and Liz start to discuss marrying one another. Anthony says he should have proposed to Liz during university, notwithstanding the fact that he was dating and later engaged to Thérèse at the time.
10 August 2007: Liz shouldn’t usurp Anthony’s parenting: after all, it’s his kid.
19 August 2007: Check!!

21 August 2007: Turns out Liz was a clone of her mother all along.
22 August 2007: Liz shares with Candace what Anthony has told her about his marriage
23 August 2007: Liz continues to recite what Anthony has told her about Thérèse, and notes that you can’t change people (so I guess she’s happy with predictable, boring Anthony).
24 August 2007: More about what Anthony has told Liz about what went wrong with his marriage, and Liz reiterates that you can’t change people. (Note: we see Thérèse’s parents; we never see Anthony’s.)
25 August 2007: Liz tells Candace about Thérèse’s depression, based on what Anthony has told her, and how she admitted to an affair and asked for a divorce, but hey – Anthony trusts Liz.

6 October 2007: Because Anthony has never been anything but strong and supportive.

3 December 2007: Francie wants Liz to stay away.
5 December 2007: Liz reminds Anthony that Francie is “your girl”.
6 December 2007: Liz has to wait while Anthony looks after his kid. Anthony rolls his eyes.
7 December 2007: Smugly thought-bubbling a pun and threatening a child to prove he’s Patterson material.
8 December 2007: Francie points out how Liz can leave.

13 December 2007: Francie spies her mother at the mall. Thérèse thinks “No!” not because she doesn’t want to see her daughter, but because all her suspicions about Anthony and Elizabeth have just been confirmed.
14 December 2007: We’re supposed to see how cold and uncaring Thérèse is here, but she kneels down to her daughter’s height, cuddles her, strokes her, has been keeping in touch and sending gifts, but she’s clearly uncomfortable with Liz sitting there, judging her.
15 December 2007: Thérèse has to leave before she sees Anthony. She doesn’t want to yell at him in front of Françoise and point out that she was right all along about his feelings for Elizabeth.

22 December 2007: Carrot coins and puns: Anthony has what it takes to join the Clan Patterson.
26 December 2007: Anthony’s expecting to get some, and…
27 December 2007: …Liz is thinking the same thing.

5 March 2008: Liz tells Warren that it’s his fault things never worked between them.
7 March 2008: Warren answers Liz’s phone.
8 March 2008: Liz speaks to Anthony on the phone.
11 March 2008: Anthony passively-aggressively tortures Liz by telling her that he hasn’t any reason not to trust her.
12 March 2008: Anthony passively-aggressively tortures Liz into talking about marriage by suggesting that he’ll not survive another divorce.
13 March 2008: Liz guesses that she and Anthony could say they’re engaged.
15 March 2008: See?! Doesn’t this make you like him?! What’s wrong with you people?!
17 March 2008: Liz calls three-year-old Francie a woman.
20 March 2008: The token that says she’s thrown away a good man to move home and marry her stalker.
22 March 2008: Anthony and Liz’s wedding rings are made to last. Yes, he has learned his lesson after he bought tissue paper rings the first time.

15 April 2008: Connie has forgotten that Elly has already told her how much she likes Anthony, and asks again for Elly to confirm this. Perhaps Connie is hoping Elly will explain why, because she can’t figure it out.

13 May 2008: Liz tells Warren that she’s engaged to Anthony Caine and that she and Anthony have cared for each other for a long time. Like right through his marriage.
16 May 2008: Warren lets Liz know that he’ll wait for her marriage to fall apart, rather than causing it to end or expecting her to be emotionally unfaithful, before making his move.
17 May 2008: Thinking bad.

18 July 2008: Francie has conceded to the inevitable. Liz points out that “your daughter” has accepted her.

2 August 2008: Liz tells Anthony that she loves him. He doesn’t reply in kind.

9 August 2008: Fugly Elly and Hideous Connie talk with Annie about Anthony’s invisible mother.

13 August 2008: Anthony and Gordon talk on the way to the wedding.
24 August 2008: Anthony thinks he's heard words like this somewhere before.  Like five years ago.

30 August 2008: Iris hopes that one day Anthony will be trapped in a failing body and Liz will be forced to look after him without any help.

 

Tags: evil baby shower, evil therese, foob history, francie, granthony going-after, granthony the amazing, granthony the innocent victim, howard going-after, julia, likepocalypse, liz the professional victim, lizthony, lovepocalypse, saint granthony, saint liz, spinster liz, the great granthony, the lovepocalypse, the trial, warren, wedding, why did she move back home?
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  • Wednesday, January 23

    Panel 1: For a second, I thought Iris and April were on the TV. But since Iris is giving exposition, they might as well be. And finally, someone's…

  • Saturday, December 29

    Panel 1: Oh, that's disgusting. That is absolutely fucking shameful. None of the Pattersons can even be arsed to drive the Richardses to and from the…

  • Thursday, December 20

    Panel 1: And now it's Jim and Iris. The way we keep cutting from one house to another really gives the impression that Lynn's gearing up for…

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  • Wednesday, January 23

    Panel 1: For a second, I thought Iris and April were on the TV. But since Iris is giving exposition, they might as well be. And finally, someone's…

  • Saturday, December 29

    Panel 1: Oh, that's disgusting. That is absolutely fucking shameful. None of the Pattersons can even be arsed to drive the Richardses to and from the…

  • Thursday, December 20

    Panel 1: And now it's Jim and Iris. The way we keep cutting from one house to another really gives the impression that Lynn's gearing up for…