howtheduck (howtheduck) wrote in binky_betsy,

The Pets' Letter, January 2010

Dear Farley,

I had Christmas alone this year. I had hoped I would be with you for Christmas, but the Chinese doctor here wouldn’t let me go and visit with you. It’s just like the Chinese to make things difficult, when all a woman wants to do is snuggle with her furry, plushie dog. I asked why I couldn’t see you and the doctor said I was to be away from you until after Christmas, because I cut some of your fur off. I thought you looked better with your hair cut. Everyone is a critic. Especially the Chinese.

Even though you weren’t here, I imagined you were. I dreamed I was lying in a big pile of dogs all just like you, Farley, with my 2 arms around 2 of you. Since you are a dog and dogs like to do their business almost all of the time, those extra versions of you had to be covered in plastic for my safety. I even dreamed Elizabeth was there with me. She was all grown up and married to a bald man, maybe Christopher Nichols. He’s about Lizzie’s age and he is nearly bald. That was a great dream. I felt very relaxed that day.

That was good, because I didn’t sleep very well on Christmas Eve. I am stuck in this place where I don’t know anyone and everyone seems crazy, even a lot of the doctors. They almost never serve greasy food. While I was trying to sleep, I kept imagining I had gone Christmas shopping and didn’t know what to buy the men in my life, except for you, dearest Farley. I know I often think men are all dogs; but if they were, it would make shopping for them so much easier. I really hate this time of year. I never have the decorations up or the Christmas letter written or the presents wrapped and hidden. Not only that, but it is so terrifically difficult to get all the presents under the tree in between the times when the kids check the tree for presents. Sometimes you only get a minute or two, and I know I can’t get any help from John or from Phil, who is too busy breaking Connie Poirier’s heart to help. It’s very satisfying when it works though. Mike gets a great shocked look on his face, when the presents magically appear just 2 or 3 minutes after he last checked for them. Such good memories. I didn’t get to do that this year, dear Farley. I feel bad about that.

Don’t be mad at me Farley, but I met another animal on Christmas. It was a cat. Its name was Beaumont the 3rd. It was not nearly as nice as you are Farley. It belongs to John’s cousin Fiona Brass. She seemed familiar to me, even though I am sure I have never met her before. She said she hadn’t seen me since 1991, which didn’t make a lot of sense to me, since it is only 1981. I think she’s from the future. She told me my worthless children and husband would all abandon me, move away, and spend most of their days blaming me for their troubles. Fiona said she knew what it was like to be abandoned by ungrateful relatives. Fiona asked me if I would like living with her instead of this place. I told her I definitely would prefer any place to where I am now. I have no idea what she is talking about. She's a cat person and I am definitely a dog person.

I hope I get to see you soon, dearest Farley. I miss you.


  • Tuesday, 19 October 2021

    The one where Mike and his friends finally realize that Gord and Tracey are a thing. Synopsis: As it is and always was and always will be, an…

  • Monday, 18 October 2021

    The one where Mike is too stupid to notice that Gordon is in love with Tracey now. Synopsis: Gordon acts like a character in an Archie comic…

  • Sunday, 17 October 2021

    The one where John is too stupid to remember that he has a kid and a dog so refuses to take steps to keep them from making putting groceries away a…

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.