First of all, I would like to thank you for the outpouring of support and kindness that I saw after Mike broke the news about the baby. Kevin Allen was laid to rest the day after the letter was published. I think the best letters I received was from moms who confirmed that a mother knows her own body and that I wasn’t a bitch for being so concerned about my child.
Physically, I’m fine. The doctors have cleared me for another pregnancy if I so decide. Mike would rather have a vasectomy than see me go through the pain of losing another child. I’m on an IUD until we decide what to do.
I wrote Mike’s biological father and explained our situation. They have spent hours on the phone. I guess it’s one thing to believe that your child is happy with another man as his father- it’s quite another to know that your son needs you, and needs the answers that you can provide. It turns out that Mike’s biological aunt has had a child with Down’s and my sister has had several miscarriages, so we don’t know if what happened to me was environmental or a combination of biological flukes. Mike is pouring all the journalistic resources he has into discovering a more definitive answer.
Emotionally.... I’m emotional. I’m in therapy. No, I do not want to talk about it.
Christmas is crazy around here. Mike is home, spending time with kids, writing his novel, writing articles, making phone calls. Merrie has fallen in love with her piano classes. Robin is progressing in school and found a new interest in... toilets. He can tell you all about how one works, how to know what model number you have, the differences between low flow and normal toilets, why we poop and pee. I’ve returned to work.
April is home from school and sleeping on the couch. She babysits when she can and she’s got a friend in the college student upstairs. Friends are nice, and I don’t know if it’s gone beyond that. Liz and Anthony will arrive with the kids later tonight and are staying in the model apartment two flights down. It’s a steal compared to a hotel room and gives us another kitchen to use. Christmas day, we will be meeting down in that apartment to spend time with each other. I know I should be looking forward to it... but my heart’s not in it right now.
Until next time,