Hello to you; this is a bit of a first, isn't it? I know that John, Elly and their extended family have been writing to you for years now but, for some reason, they haven't seen fit to include me or Will in their monthly tradition. This is probably going to be a one-off because of an emergency out in Milborough; as you know, John and Elly have been arrested on a laundry list of charges. This is going to sound cruel but the only thing I actually regret is that I lived to see John's utter lack of practicality blow up in his face; he has nobody on this Earth to blame for the Hell he's in because, as Will will tell you, our eldest son's feet are planted firmly in mid-air. The people I feel for are the children he and Elly raised together; many's the time that I had to stop myself from taking the train down to his split-level temple to failure and backhand him for being the smug, oblivious idiot he can be. I remember quite specifically his roaring with anger because of a picture Mike drew in class that depicted him as a frowning, angry giant looming over him; trying to convince the twerp that Mike had every right to draw him that way because that's what he was did little useful good. I told April to pass along some useful advice: let the fuzz keep the bum; I remember that last time he was in a pointless rage because he discovered something obvious and don't want him racing around until he calms down in a few years or so. In any event, Will and I won't actually be aroubnd to see more of his idiocy; we'll be joining Rock God Jim Richards on the other side soon enough. I just wanted to let you know that I tried my best to raise a human being; I'm sorry for failing but there's not much I can do now.
As Mother said, this is probably about the only time you'll be hearing from us so I'd better make this count. It's not easy juggling the health problems we have, April and Bill's love of going on crusades, Elizabeth and Anthony's marital problems and a son going to the bad. As Carrie says, John simply doesn't have a practical bone in his head; his mind is made of slogans and wishful thinking and he gets into a tearing rage when he's proven wrong; that, of course, means that he's angry most of the time. As I explained on the phone, he had no right to blow up at Elly and everyone because of the Claire situation. It didn't, of course, sink in; this is the same dunderheaded clod who whined that Elly should stay at home because his mother did without taking into account that she not only ran a farm and cleaned a larger house than his, she was also on-call as a substitute teacher not to mention running the Ladies' Auxiliary at the Church; she did all that and still had two or three hours of what Mike's generation calls "me time"; Elly had much less to do to keep things in line so it wouldn't have been a hardship to have an extrra paycheque coming in. Not that HE saw it that way, not him; Mister King Dentist Man didn't want people thinking that he wasn't the Boss Of Everyone. Never you mind that "his" patients think that he's the doddering old fool who thinks he's Doctor Callahan's boss or that the people in the building where he worked call him Doctor Ted's moron sidekick, he's large and in charge. It's not easy to have to worked all that time just to raise a disgrace to the family name; he reminds me of a line from the Latin class Carrie used to teach: "Mountains labor and a ridiculous mouse is born." I just hope that his children don't fall for his weak BS and let him back into their lives; I'd hate to leave this world thinking that he had any power or influence because he's proven himself unworthy.
In any event, I probably won't see it or talk to you nice people again so it's Hello and Goodbye from me.