My friend Alice called last night. She has just lost her mom and felt like talking. We went over all of the events surrounding her mom's passing. It's good to just get it out. When my mom died, I needed to talk, too, and as in Alice's family, there were many things left unresolved. I wished I could have had that last meaningful talk, that reconciliation, say the things that needed to be said. But it never happened. Mom died and I stayed angry for years. That's just the way it was.
Alice told me that before she left home to see her mom for the last time, she asked a friend from her church if there was a passage she could read from the Bible, any scripture that would help her and her mother through this difficult time. Instead of recommending words from the bible, her friend just said, "Say to your mother: I forgive you, you forgive me, I love you, you love me...it's ok."
"Is that it?" she asked "That's it." her friend replied.
During their days in the hospital, as her mom became increasingly weak and disoriented, Allie tried to start the conversation that would resolve everything. Her mom would say "not now, let's talk later". Then, she told me "I just said it straight out...Mom, I forgive you, you forgive me, I love you, you love me...it's ok." Her mom looked at her with such relief. They hugged and cried and it was wonderful. The difficult conversation didn't have to happen. No digging through the rubble of past indiscretions and past hurt. It had all been said. Just like that.
I told her I wish I'd had that same advice before I kissed my mom goodbye. These things resolve themselves over the years, but oh how nice it would have been to have let the dark stuff go before she died. I thanked Allie for telling me this and......
I wanted to pass it on to you. Who knows, it might make a difficult time a bit easier. LJ