This will take a while; right now, Elly has to remind Connie she can't catch a mayyyUUUUUNNNNN 'cause she's hideous.
Panel 1: We start off with Connie whining that when she looks at her perfectly presentable self in the mirror and reminds herself that no MAAAAAYYYYUUUUNNNNN would want her because she's soooooo ugly. Elly's too busy picking up Lizzie to look her friend in the eyes.
Panel 2: Elly, who has Liz clinging to her like a remora, answers her friend's claims that her hai is awful-looking by saying that she's just down in the dumps. This seems supportive but it's not.
Panel 3: That's because Elly, who puts Liz in her crib so she can ignore her for hours on end, suggests giving her pal a makeover in something that sounds like real English. Elly can do her roots, put on some make-up and give her a manicure.
Panel 4: Connie asks if letting Elly give her a crappy makeover will make her feel any better; Elly doesn't know.
Panel 5: She then says that if it doesn't, at least she'll be attractive and miserable.
Summary: This is yet another symptom of the annoying fixation that's taken hold of Connie: the need to define herself as the adjunct of some jerk whose only qualification is that he has a Y chromosome. He doesn't need wit, charm, brains, morals or a spine; all he has to do is be THERE for her so she can have a hoooooome. It doesn't matter that she has an education; if it doesn't get her a mayyyyuuunnnn, it's worthless.
ETA: Now that Easter is over, the banner has reverted to showcasing an inept dentist and his muppet-mouthed receptionist.