Hey, everyone, it's 18-year-old April here! Of course, every time I've ever imagined what my 18th birthday would be like, I never imagined it would involve having a delusional mother who thinks I'm some dental hygienist she thinks Dad used to have working for him in the 1980s. But that's what I got! Worse, Dad gave up on convincing Mom about my actual identity and pretended that he'd been playing an April Fool's joke on her. And this was after she tried to sew Butterscotch, because she somehow thought this living, breathing rabbit was Liz's old stuffed-animal bunny from when she was little.
So, if you read Mike's letter, you know he forgot about my birthday--at least first thing this morning. I think Dee reminded him while I was at school. He looked kind of sheepish when I got home. Eva decorated my locker, so I definitely cheered up when I got to school. Eva, Duncan, Luis, Gerald, Becky, and I all went out to an all-ages show at Club Zippy tonight. There were some good local bands playing. Gerald, of course, reminded me that if we were in Montreal, we could go to a "grown-ups" place and I could get smashed. I still remember how not-lovely Liz was when she was all hung over, so I'm not sure getting smashed sounds so great. But Uncle Phil has told me he and Aunt Georgia will take me out for a drink next time I visit.
But, anyway--soon after I came home from school, I heard Meredith and Robin totally shrieking and then I couldn't believe my eyes as Mom had one arm clamped over Buttsy while trying to sew her with the other. Then when I snatched her away, we went through this whole thing of Mom not knowing who I am and Dad half-heartedly trying to convince Mom that I'm me. As if me being me can penetrate Mom's insanity. Poor Buttsy has to spend the night at the vet clinic. Dr. Garber had to give her some stitches for real, along with prophylactic antibiotics.
Mike and Dee are treating me to a special birthday dinner this weekend. We're going to Garden of Eden, Milborough's one and only vegan restaurant. I was surprised when Mike suggested it. I love the place, but I thought Mike was kind of inflexible about food. He and Dee were apologetic about giving me cash as a b-day present, but really it's what I need. Dee suggested I use part of it to get a laptop, and Duncan told me he'd help me pick out one that's pretty cheap but also will have what I need for Guelph. Tomorrow, I'm going to have dinner at Gramps and Iris's place.
Aw, shoot. I think I heard Mike say Mom has gotten in again (we really do need that security system) and locked herself into the [old] master-suite bathroom, yelling a bunch of stuff about making herself gorgeous. I'm better wrap this up and call Dad.
April, counting the days until graduation