howtheduck (howtheduck) wrote in binky_betsy,

The Pets' Letter, April 2009

The Pets' Letter, April 2009

Hi gang. It's Elly, with a general update on the fabulous furball Farley.

Is the winter over yet? Farley is going absolutely crazy being inside so much. He stayed over at my neighbour Connie’s house while I was gone visiting my parents in Vancouver.

A little side story about Vancouver I have to mention. When I finally got to Vancouver, I got a little confused finding my parents’ house until I remembered how much their house was like mine. I didn’t find my parents there, but did I find people doing something unsavory in their bedroom. Not to get too graphic, but there was a child involved. I called the police and they wouldn’t do anything about it and they made me leave. That’s typical of the police, I would say.

Sorry to digress. Back to Farley. This is the Pets’ letter after all. Connie’s good about walking him, but some days are just too cold. I could tell he was getting a round in the middle, staying with Connie. By the way, for those of you who are not in the know, Connie’s been spending a lot of time with a gentleman these days. I think he may be Mrs. Baird’s son. Connie has moved in with him. I sense wedding bells may be coming. The gentleman has practically let Connie redecorate the entire house the way she likes it. After I came back from Vancouver, Connie seemed very surprised I knew where she was living. I came to pick up Farley and all she could say was, “Thank goodness you’re all right. We haven’t told the kids you’ve been gone, or they would have you locked up. Stay here until I call John and tell him you’re OK.”

I was little perturbed Connie would give John a warning I was coming, but I was excited to hear how much the kids missed me. I was kind of curious to see if John could take care of the kids for an entire week by himself, and I told her not to call John. Connie kept insisting I had been gone for the whole month of March. Connie can really exaggerate, when she wants to. Really, a week is hardly a month unless you fill it out with a lot of extra detail no one cares about.

Needless to say, I didn’t wait around for John to finish his last minute cleaning to prove how well he survived without me, so I took Farley and went to my house. John wasn’t there but Lizzie was there playing with her stuffed bunny. She called him Butterscotch. Isn’t that a cute name for bunny? It kind of makes you hungry. Farley growled at the bunny and I could tell I was going to have to rescue that stuffed bunny from Farley. I grabbed the stuffed bunny to see where I would need to stitch him up to fix him. Lizzie was crying and Michael came in the room and he started crying too. The way kids get upset over a stuffed animal. It is so adorable.

Lucky for me, there was sewing equipment all over the place, like someone had tried running a sewing school in my house. I have to get more organized with my sewing. It never fails, when I feel organized, it looks like haven’t accomplished a darn thing. I said, “Don’t worry, Mike and Lizzie. Mommy will fix your stuffed bunny. I may seem like a mild-mannered housewife, but I am actually Super Mom.” I went right to work. I have to say the Chinese make modern stuffed animals too realistic these days. When I was using my needle and thread on this bunny it started bleeding and it bit me. I prefer the old stuffed animals made from cloth and stuffing. They are a lot easier to fix and they don’t squirm as much.

Well, gang. I do have a story to report. While I was fixing the stuffed bunny, who should happen to come in and grab the bunny out of my hands but John’s hygienist? I said to her, “What are you doing here?” And she said, “I live here!” And I said, “You are way too young to be involved with him.” And she said, “I am 18 years old.” I couldn’t believe it. I am gone for one week and it looked like John had moved his 18-year-old hygienist into the house while I was gone.

I was inconsolable. And when John finally showed up, the only explanation he could give was, “It’s not my hygienist. It’s April. Remember April?” As if I don’t know what month it is. And what does the month have to do with anything? That’s no excuse. All I could think was that I knew when John hired that hygienist she was going to be trouble. I also thought it was probably all Ted McCaulay’s fault. He was always trying to convince John to cheat on me. And I wondered if I could convince Farley to bite Ted on the leg for me.

Then John said to me, “April Fool’s, Elly! You fell for it! My hygienist was just pretending!” What a relief, it was all an April Fools’ joke. I felt very silly after that. I don’t want to be the paranoid wife. I should have known John would never cheat on me with a younger woman.

This letter is supposed to be about our pet, Farley. I am not very good at staying on the subject this time. So let me say, all in all, at least Farley is healthy and happy and not feeling foolish. Good to know! Take care everyone, and I hope none of you are April Fools, like me.
Tags: pets, retcons

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