Hi folks - this is Dee, filling in for Elly, maybe permanently. Elly did the last few months of Pets’ Letters (the doctor said it was good for her); but now she says she is too busy to do them. This is what happened. We got back from our Disneyland vacation and Mike went over to John and Elly’s house to pick up Edgar (or Farley, as Elly calls him). While he was there, Mike mentioned he was starting his Master’s degree in front of Elly. As I understand it, this upset Elly. She started calling Mike by the name of his grandmother Marian; and said he wasn’t going to make her feel guilty any more for quitting university or quitting the Creative Writing Class. Now Elly is too busy to write the Pets’ Letter. Instead, she has started writing a weekly letter where she asks people on the internet for advice, and then she writes back to herself signing it “Future Elly.” The funny thing is that other people actually write back to her too. Can you believe it? I don’t know if any of you read those strange Pets’ Letters which Elly wrote, but they are nothing compared the crazy stuff in her weekly letters. She still hasn’t recovered from what happened to her last September. It’s been so long now, I think she never will.
Now on to the pets, before I forget the reason for this letter. Sometimes my husband can be a bad influence on the children. He means well, but sometimes he doesn’t think before he says something. He was telling a story to the kids about how one time he was rummaging through his cupboards, only to find that Liz had stolen his brush and hairspray so she could give Farley a Mohawk. But then, right after saying that he said, “No, hum. Wait a minute. I gave Farley a Mohawk first, back when I was in preschool, and Liz stole the idea from me. How could I have forgotten that?” Needless to say, if Auntie Liz and Daddy did it to Farley, then it wasn’t too long before I found Eddy with a Mohawk, courtesy of Merrie and Robin and most of my hair gel. I was so glad they didn’t use duct tape to give him a Mohawk. After we had to take Robin to the doctor to get duct tape out of his nose (he thought it would stop his nose from running), I think Robin knew better than to try it out on Edgar.
But that’s not all. Another day Mike was telling a story to the kids about a time back when he was in Grade 2 and he tried to get his dog, Farley to eat his fish, Fred, and right in the middle of telling the story he said, “No, hum. Wait a minute. That fish’s name was Frank. And I was in preschool. How could I have forgotten that?” Needless to say, if Daddy tried to get one of his pets to eat another one of his pets, then it wasn’t too long before I found Merrie and Robin trying to feed Butterscotch to Edgar. Fortunately for everyone, Edgar and Butterscotch get along very well and there was no eating, just some good-natured licking. When I caught them at it, the kids said, “But mom! We wanted Edgar and Buttercup to play together because Buttercup has good taste.” I could just see Mike when he was young saying something just like that to his mother.
April was pretty upset when she found out about it and she gave the children a stern lecture about how pets should not eat other pets, even if their Daddy tried it when he was little. I hope she didn’t make them feel too guilty. It might have hurt their self-esteem.
Don’t worry. Nothing bad happened to the pets, but I hope Mike will think before he tells another story about when he was young. I remember him back then. He was so cute and so shy. We had some good times and the best time was when we both won the costume contest and…No. Wait a minute! Mike was the creepy kid in preschool who was always bothering me and staring at me. I remember his friend Lawrence said he liked me and then Mike went berserk and starting beating him until Lawrence begged him to stop. It was awful. It was horrible. How could I have forgotten that? I was so glad my parents moved to Burlington right after that.
That's it for the pets this month! I’m not in the mood to write any more.