Randi Stevenson (randiradio) wrote in binky_betsy,
Randi Stevenson
randiradio
binky_betsy

Why does every bad relationship happen to Liz?

If you compare Liz's love life to Mike's, you wonder if Liz is the cursed Patterson or if Lynn just has horrible contempt for her.


Mike:
- Has crush on cute and normal little girl, she moves away.
- Has normal junior high relationship with Martha; they break up because she liked someone else.
- Has normal high school relationship with Rhetta; they break up in university because of the distance.
- In a twist of fate he re-meets cute little girl, who is now an attractive young woman. He and Deanna have a normal young adult relationship.
- He and Deanna get married in TWO pleasant ceremonies so they can have their private meaningful ceremony and overbearing mother-in-law can have her extravaganza. Since an overbearing mother-in-law is a pretty normal problem, the extravagant wedding still turns out decent. Deanna gets to wear a brand new expensive designer wedding dress. Everybody's happy!



Liz:
- Has normal junior high relationship with Anthony, they break up because they outgrew the relationship. So far, so good.
- Gets back together with Anthony for a normal high school relationship, they break up in university because they don't have time for each other. Still a normal love life so far...
- Has dysfunctional relationship with attractive man, Eric, in university. They move in together for economic reasons, even though they're clearly not ready, and break up because Eric cheated.
- In the middle of the decline of above relationship, she re-meets Anthony, who has grown into an unattractive old man and is engaged to a frigid harpy, and goes out with him for New Year's. The Pattersons (except April) and the Mayes seem intent on ruining their other relationships to get Lizthony back together. Anthony already regrets his engagement and wishes he were with Liz instead but is too spineless to do something about it.
- Meets attractive man, Warren, can't seem to get into a normal relationship because of a confusing combination of distance, flakiness from Warren, and Liz's hearbreak from Eric.
- Goes to Anthony's wedding dragging an attractive gay man. From this moment on Liz is lusted after by a married man, with the blessing of her family and the Mayes.
- Gets almost raped at her workplace (at least it wasn't an attractive man). Rescued by still married Anthony, who has come to her place of work to tell her he has no hoooooome, that he made Therese have a baby she didn't want and she spends too much time at the office, and beg Liz to wait for him. He tells her all this anyway, almost rape be damned!
- Meets attractive man, Paul, almost has normal young adult relationship, until she hears Anthony and Therese got divorced. Turns out Therese cheated. OMG poor Anthony!! He continues to lust after Liz, with the Pattersons' blessing, even through the sexual assault trial.
- Warren pops up offering her a ride to Mtgiwaki when she visits Paul. She finds out Paul cheated. It turns out Warren knew and offered her that ride on purpose so she would get back together(?) with him after Paul dumped her.
- Sorta kinda not really tries to date Warren, normal relationship doesn't happen AGAIN because of distance and flakiness AGAIN.
- Asks Anthony to be her date for Shawna-Marie's wedding. He's already invited someone else. Liz calls herself a total idiot for asking, but neither Anthony nor anyone else has called him an idiot for marrying a woman he didn't love.
- Gets paired up with attractive groomsman, Mason, for the wedding. He gets drunk and passes out. Anthony shows up stacheless, but still unattractive. Liz and Anthony run off to hook up, with the blessing of Anthony's unattractive date. (BTW, I've always wondered why Anthony was invited to Shawna-Marie's wedding. She wasn't invited to his; they were never really friends.)
- Has some kind of half-assed "friendship" with Anthony. After a year they are still "taking it slow". His precocious daughter likes Liz at first and then hates her. It turns out Therese suffered from post-partum depression. OMG poor Anthony!!
- Warren shows up to tell Liz he has no hoooome. Anthony happens to call during this visit and Warren picks up the phone. Sensing danger, Anthony proposes to Liz.
- We find out that Anthony has major mommy issues and was dependent on Liz for emotional support since elementary school. So much for calling those early relationships "normal".
- Originally STILL wanting to "take it slow", Liz decides to rush ahead with the wedding so Grandpa Jim will be alive for it. It's the same day as Anthony's first wedding. Deanna insists that Liz wear Grandma Marian's moldy old wedding dress, then totally changes it so it's not even a charming vintage wedding dress, but just a moldy old modern wedding dress. Jim suffers a heart attack right before the wedding, but Liz is not supposed to know about it so her day isn't spoiled. She'll find out anyway. Liz not only isn't getting the wedding she wanted, she'll be sharing comic space with Jim's death, while her brother got full focus for two weddings. With Jim dying during the wedding, there will be many hurt feelings and regrets and no one will be happy. And Anthony is still unattractive.


God/Lynn hates Liz, y/y? Seriously, it Liz has NEVER had a normal relationship. And all this drama really isn't necessary to be interesting. Story arcs about Mike's love life were interesting, they were funny and showed genuine emotion. Liz's love life stopped being interesting around the 50th time Pornstache was seen pining for her.

Just to round out the Patterson clan, let's compare April as well.


April:
- Spent all of junior high and high school dating her childhood friend Gerald, unremarkable in appearance and dumb as a brick, but she has no choice in the matter because her only other male friend is black and therefore undateable. They've kinda sorta not really broken up several times, but can't seem to make up their minds. Fortunately he's a drummer, and therefore stands a high chance of dying before April needs a husband.


Why do you think Lynn hates Liz so much?
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  • 30 comments

  • Monday, 25 October 2021

    The one where Elly reminds John that she lives and dies by what other people think of her. Synopsis: When John has the temerity to question Elly's…

  • Sunday, 24 October 2021

    The dialogue-free one that predicts how and why Farley will die. Panel 1: As John rakes the leaves in the background, we find April crunching a…

  • Saturday, 23 October 2021

    The one where Lynn reminds us that she really doesn't understand teenage boys at all. Synopsis: Mike, Brian, Lawrence and Nodrog (might as well…