dreadedcandiru2 (dreadedcandiru2) wrote in binky_betsy,

Anthony's Bio: an alternative......

It occurs to me that if Lynn had made Anthony a smug bastard with a Don Quixote complex instead of Emo Boy, his biography might be easier to take. I'll start with the first segment and you'll see what I'm getting at. If we'd seen:

"He first noticed Elizabeth Patterson at the Winter Holiday Pageant back when he was in Grade One. While his mother was slowly fuming about the [expletive deleted] secularists and their war on Christmas, the cute little girl with blond hair from 1-B was holding back a flood of tears. The reason: her older brother, a large, sullen-looking boy with dark hair was calling her a cruel name. Their dad, who he recognized as his dentist Doctor Patterson, looked like he'd wanted to put an end to it (and the boy) on the spot. The mother, on the other hand, stood there wringing her hands as if it was too much trouble to make things okay for her child. This made Anthony mad. If he were the same size as the cruel hoodlum Michael, he'd show him how to talk to a lady. Later on in life, he'd noticed her weird attraction to look-alikes of Michael who also treated her badly and wondered at it."

instead of Look back in wangst, we'd feel better about him.

As for his teenaged years, let's try:

"If there was one thing that made a sweet ride complete, it was a hot babe in the passenger seat. Too bad he could never really rely on Liz for that. Oh, she might be promising if she took the broomstick out of her rear end but with Mommy Dearest hovering over her yapping about having to watch her baby sister, that seemed unlikely. He could get the occasional rise out of her by hanging out with a more attractive girl but it didn't last. Besides, who needed the drama?"

This, of course, matches with the guy we've seen.

As for a more skillful attempt at remedial biography, let's try:

"He'd heard later on from Lawrence that Liz hadn't gone directly to the police like he'd told her to. What's more, she'd turned "Homewrecker? Too frigging late." into a pathetic whine. She was good like that."

As for a finisher:

"Granted, having Liz finally decide to marry him because she wanted a Daddy to protect her from the Big Scary World was a bit of a hollow victory but after making a complete mess of his first marriage because he was stupid and immature, he felt he needed to punish himself a bit."
Tags: biography

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