Panel 2: I know Sunday strips are mostly panto, but "!" is probably all John can say anyway, with his mouth full like that.
Panel 3: Kind of cute how the Bushwhacker leaps in the air like that.
Panel 4: That guy in the yellow pants (!) and blue jacket---is he a bullfighter?
Panel 5: Let's see what we've got here, not counting the last two rows which are mostly obscured. And most of these are porn titles, not to be found in any googleplex cinema.
KILLER GRUBB (huh?) * ROLLERBLOOD * WWII ANIMATED VERSION (is that trying to say that Hollywood is trivializing war? I beg to differ) * BUST OR ? * A WHIFF OF EVIL * WHERE NO HAIR SHOULD GROW (porn) * RUTT! (porn) * TIME? * PASSION OF THE CRUST (ha ha, not) * GROINS! (porn) * THE IMPLANT (porn, unless she means like Minority Report) * THE THONG ? (porn) * ?UCUS WARS (huh?) * TEARS OF A TRUCKER (huh?) * SUCKED IN BY LOVE (porn) * ALIEN LUST (oh come on) * POLL DANCER (April's how-to guide) * MASSACRE THIS! * ?ED EGG (huh?) * BORBORYGMUS (medical term for a stomach growling) * BLOWING CHUNKS (see Alien Lust) * FOOB (look, kids, an in-joke!) * ? BOTTOM (probably porn, since Lynn no doubt classifies that as a Dirty Word) * WITHOUT STEROIDS (not sure what she's getting at here) * FOAM ON DERANGED (porn, I guess, or just a raunchy comedy) *
Panels 6-7: That's a nice sky in the background.
Panel 8: Of course, no decent movies have been made since 1939.
Okay, first of all, we've been through this before, the December before last, when the members of 4-Evah wanted to rent a video, and everything with a Christmas theme was raunchy, vulgar or violent, so their ONLY option was "A Charlie Brown Christmas". While it was great that Lynn wanted to give a shout-out to Charles Schulz, I honestly don't think there are a whole lot of "inappropriate" movies with a Christmas theme. And there's plenty of tasteful stuff besides CB. There are other specials, like "Emmet Otter", "Rudolph" and any of the ten million versions of "A Christmas Carol". In features, you have, among others, "A Christmas Story", "Nightmare Before Christmas", and "The Santa Clause". Beyond that, though, you start opening the door to stuff like "Home Alone", or the "Die Hard" movies. And since those films are not 99 44/100ths % pure, they wouldn't get Lynn's stamp of approval.
Second of all, how is it that they didn't find out what was on at the VitaMeataVegaMinPlex before they left the house? John's look of alarm when he checks his watch indicates that they have a timetable, so how do they know that they're running late if they hadn't yet decided what they were going to see?
And finally, why doesn't she just go ahead and rename this strip "Pattersons Against The World"?
ETA: I forgot to mention that this gag was originally done years ago, with far more subtlety. Back in high school, Gordon and Tracey, who were not yet a couple, reluctantly agreed to double-date with Michael and Martha. Gordon was stressing about this, and said to Mike, "A movie? I can't go to a movie with Tracey! What if there's all kinds of mushy stuff?" Cut to the four teens at the cineplex. "So what'll it be, guys? 'Terminator III', 'He's Nine and He's Nasty' or 'The Bludgeoning'?"
Now that was effective, because a) all three of those titles were reasonable reworkings of then-current films (T2, Problem Child and any generic slasher flick) and b) we didn't see them take a sanctimonious fourth option; in fact, we don't know what movie they chose at all. The joke was simply that Gordon was shuddering in anticipation of a romantic film that wasn't even on the menu. Those were the days, my friends.