TrumanFable (trumanf) wrote in binky_betsy,

November 10, 2007

"Adventures in Babysitting"

All week long, I have felt as if I had the Babysitting Job from Hell. There just seems no end to the schemes and bendovers from this horrible little cretin named Mike Patterson. And it wasn't just the fact that every day, the little monster increased his ability to menace far worse than Dennis Mitchell ever aspired. No, it was the fact that his achievements were introduced with an incredible, unbelievable brand of hero-worship from his sister Liz. Liz, the one he constantly bedeviled all through her young life, the one he hung the unfortunately sobriquet "Lizardbreath" on. Mother of Mercy, if the guy is found with body parts in his basement freezer chest, is Liz going to simply write it off as "Mike was an inventive budding researcher?"

Okay, now that my little mini-rant is over, on to today's offering of Wicked Intent:

First panel: Mike is poised before the mail slot in the door, patiently counting down and anticipating something noteworthy. 
Second panel: Mike yells, "YAAAAA" until it strings out like so much pizza cheese from a thick gooey slice;
Third panel: Outside the door, the poor suffering mailman is hit by the rest of Mike's "--AAAAAAHHH!" so hard he looks he got slugged with a wind tunnel, or is that guy in the audio ad a few years ago.

WTF is so admirable about putting the local mail carrier through this premeditated torment? Mike's chosen the time of day, he's counted down, he delivered his mischeif with all the vocal malevolence of an Ethel Merman on acid. He KNOWS what he's doing, the little BASTARD.

And what about Elly? Yesterday she fussed at him for cursing under her window, but today he's screeching out the mail slot and she's nowhere to be seen. I wonder, do his shitstorms of brilliance happen on a regular basis, or is Mike particularly selective about when he pulls these pranks? I wouldn't put it past the little bleeder if he made a mess somewhere else in the Pattermanse because he knows Elly won't make him clean it up. She'll do it herself, leaving him to abuse public servants at will.

What smart, sensitive, theatrical young Michael doesn't realize is that he has chosen the wrong mark upon whom to pull his prank. Michael, the man is a Postal Worker. Think about it. And when he's had enough and decides to go postal, I hope he gets all up in your smarmy little ass. That possibility makes this whole babysitting gig go down much, much better.

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