lughcifer (lughcifer) wrote in binky_betsy,

Welcome to Dante's FOOBferno!

It occurred to me as I was in the bathroom (appropos, non?) that FOOB is basically a modern version of Dante's nine circles of hell. Up to you all what those nine circles entail but I'm nominating the following:

Jelly Honking and Flapping [tm]
Telethon of Tedium
Magical Writing Fairy
Planes, Traaaaaaaaaaiins and Automobiles
Character assasination
Neglect of Teh Olds

These are just proposed circles. Feel free to nominate your own. The gods know that we have SO many hellish items to choose from.

And now, back to regular de-programming:

I should have bought stock in barf bags for this week. I totally would have made a killing. The GuessI'llSettlepocalypse glurges forward...

Panel 1: Our trollish trio are in the "Kool Kone." WTF happened to lunch? Francie asks: "Can I have the cherry on top?" Somebody replies: "You go first." ...What?! A cherry isn't shared. What?!?

(Yes, I know I'm supposed to fill in that the trolls had lunch and then walked to an ice creamery. And I'm also supposed to fill in that one of them is telling Francie to dig into the sundae first. But filling in would require me to 1) give a f*ck; and 2) think about FOOB in detail. Frankly, I'd rather poke my own eyes out and roll them around like marbles.)

Panel 2: Holy. Shizz! That really WAS a giant sundae! It's at least as wide as Granthony. Who is rubbing his pot belly. Okay, Lynnions...are you trying to kill me? Don't. Show. Me. The. Pornstache's. Belly! AUUUUUUGGGGHH!!! 

If this were real life, Francie would not only be bouncing off the walls obnoxiously, she'd puke in five minutes and cover the Pornstache's burgeoning belly with ice cream chunkies.

Panel 3: Oh. For. F*ck's. Sake! Francie is now asking Granthony if Liz is a good friend. She just aged from  5 years old to 25. I nominate a new circle of Hell: Inappropriate aging. Horrible plot device. Worthy of two barf bags all on its own. I can't believe I'm missing School of Rock for this sh*t.

Panel 4: Francie asks oh! so! cutely: "Like a really, really, really good friend?"  I won't even tell you what Granthony says. ::rips out hair:: I'm really, really, really going to send a plague of locusts to Corbeil. I hope the whole FOOB empire dies a painful, insect chewed death.

Panel 5: Well, you all called it. Francie asks to keep Teh Lizard, making her the newest member of the PatterSaints Kool Aid Nation. Poor Francie. We hardly knew ye...and so young, too.

I have to say that I really do think Francie is cute. I want to like her, but the dialogue that comes out of this child's mouth is so horridly shiteous. I'll just pretend she's saying "put Teh Lizard in the basement gulag, daddy" and go to my happy place. 
Tags: francie, granthony, liz, liz of troy, lizardbreath, the lovepocalypse, why do they let this woman teach?

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