Panel 1: It's fairly late in the evening at the Patterson house. We find Mike in bed drifting off to sleep while reading a magazine of some description.
Panel 2: He snores loudly because he thinks he's going to get a good night's sleep instead of a night-long lecture about how he sees women as meat. I make a bad joke about Dr Corday from ER walking by in a space suit and saying the word "Spoilers."
Panel 3: The reason why Mike is in for a consciousness raising session at oh-dark stupid at night is that the dumb son of a gun left the light on which attracts the attention of his mother.
Panel 4: Elly opens the door and smiles wanly at him.
Panel 5: Since the part of her that confuses herself with a child because she isn't perfect wants to turn him into the Evil Linus Van Pelt we started out with, she smiles a bit more because her baby boy is tired.
Panel 6: She tucks him in.
Panel 7: She kisses him good night.
Panel 8: His fate is sealed when she picks up and reads the magazine.
Panel 9: She is alarmed and angered by the fact that her kid got hisself a Selfplayboy. It should go without saying that the anger and alarm is fueled by her not having foreseen the presence of whacking-off fuel in her child's life and also being expected to foresee something she doesn't want to.
Panel 10: Mike is jolted awake by the angry bellowing coming from the woman who's going to hold his being a normal horny teenager over his head for the rest of his life.
Summary: He'd be just as stupid if he hid it under his mattress because that's the first place normal people look. Oh, wait. Elly is stupid too. He could have a whole stash of self-abuse fodder hidden under there and she'd assume that the problem is solved by burning the one she confiscated because she's not smart enough to look under mattresses.