April 19th, 2021

Snarky Candiru2

Wednesday, 21 April 2021

The one where Elly appears to be too stupid to realize that April sees the toys surrounding her as obstructions to being held.

Synopsis: April 'evilly' and 'selfishly' throws her toys out of her crib because only bad people who hate mothers think that the child wants to get comfortable and can't do that without all of the junk in the way. When she starts crying, Elly sees the empty crib and wants to put the toys back in.

Summary: This inability to understand children is brought to you by the idiot woman belief that children hate their mother's freedom and happiness.
Snarky Candiru2

The Top Seven Characters That Lynn Doesn't Realize Aren't Underdogs: Number 2

Now, comes someone who reminds me of a lyric Steven Page came up with: We thought that you knew/When two become one/just for fun/they rehearse/till the worst/of each person/becomes someone new....and that's Mike. Much was made of how much he struggled over the years. Nothing was made of it being due to his many, many self-imposed limitations and character defects.

First off, we have to contend with the fact that like most aimless people who kind of need someone standing over them barking orders to get them to get anything done, Mike hates being told where to go and what to do. It's easier to watch other people live his life for him:

because television tells him that they're supposed to.

It could be said that pretty much every trouble Mike has stems from his belief that commercial television has any sort of bearing on reality. Elly is a 'bad' mother because she's a real person instead of a sitcom mutant. Liz is clearly plotting his ruin because kid sisters on television act like little adults. The girls he mistreats are believed to be soap opera bitch queens instead of the vulnerable and messed up people they are. Hell, even he himself doesn't know who he is because he sees himself as the protagonist in his life.
Snarky Candiru2

The Top Seven Characters That Lynn Doesn't Realize Aren't Underdogs: Number 1

You'll notice that I didn't make this a top eight and include April for the shitty way she treats Becky. This is because as far as we know, she's going to stop being an underdog the same way Fiona did: by becoming persona non grata to lazy idiot parents who let their feelings get in the way of doing their jobs. Eventually, she will simply tell her idiot parents, moron siblings and cretin brother- and sister-in-law off and stay with her 'country boy' in Calgary.

The reason that I mention this is that Number One on my list will react to this by bolting off to Connie's so she can whine about ignorant and misguided children who don't know where love and acceptance are. The late, great Marian Richards had our subject pegged in the early innings:



and I've seen nothing in the forty-two years we've spent dealing with these characters that contradicts this. All I see when I look at Elly is a nincompoop who was in a blind rush to 'grow up' that she didn't take time to figure out who was doing the growing:



and since she believes in something stupid and non-existent called fairness, she takes out her upset on the kids in her immediate vicinity:


The worst of it is that she never bothers growing out of it:



and will lose her shit about piddly crap that don't mean nothing even unto the latest of days.