August 24th, 2020

Snarky Candiru2

Wednesday, 26 August 2020

The one that has Elly be all goggle-eyed with horror because she's FORTY YEARS OLD!!!

(Original Publication Date, 26 August 1991)

Panel 1: It's seven in the morning at the Pattermanse and as pretty much always, we find Elly goggle-eyed with horror at the start of another horrible day. Elly thought-bubbles about the time, the fact that the sun has risen and a bigger horror than usual takes place today.

Panel 2: She then demonstrates where Mike gets his terrible prose style from when she says that it's the day of reckoning and the point of no return. Just as Stained Session is loaded with ooky-booky bullshit meant to spray a gloss of pretentiousness over weak ideas, Elly thinks that using phrases inappropriately makes her look smarter. I have no idea who's doing the judging and, as jjamele says, the only way to deflect herself from this point is to swallow down a couple of Ambien and a shot glass of scotch.

Panel 3: We're reminded that she's an insufferably vain half-wit who declared herself an old crone who was too old, fat and ugly to be loved a millisecond after construction workers stopped whistling at her when she gets all morose about how after today, each crease, each cellulite dimple and each sign of deterioration shall by magnified by the four words that no woman who thinks that thirty-five is the autumn of life wants to hear.

Panel 4: Since John will always see the girl he married, he has no damned idea why Elly is terrified by those four words: "Happy fortieth birthdy, honey."

Summary: The irritating thing is having to remember that she has an attack of amnesia five years from now and claims to have been perfectly fine with being forty. Lather, rinse, repeat and learn terms for retouching photographs, I guess.