August 14th, 2020

Snarky Candiru2

Sunday, 16 August 2020

The one where it's magically Michael's fault that he has nothing to say to an idiot father who spent his life pushing him away.

(Original Publication Date, 18 August 1991)

Panel 1: We see Mike smile as he dials the phone to talk to a friend.

Panel 2: He drinks a soda as he talks to his friend.

Panel 3: The strip proper begins with him pouring a bag of popcorn into a bowl as he talks to Mystery Person.

Panel 4: He's been on the phone long enough to eat all of the popcorn. At this point, it's kind of obvious that we're in for a whinge-fest about how our horrible children talk to strangers but won't share anything with us, their poor, ill-treated parents.

Panel 5: He starts to prop his feet up on the kitchen table.

Panel 6: He's got both feet on the table for some reason.

Panel 7: When John comes in and asks Mike how it's going, it's sort of a lock that we're dealing with more "We're not stupid motherfucking boomers who don't understand anything, teens ARE monsters" garbage when Mike's smile has been erased.

Panel 8: Lynn proves herself to be the same sort of dumbfuck that Scott and Borgman are when it surprises John that Mike simply shrugs. Their limited baby-boomer intellects blind them to the reality that adolescents don't like the idea of crying to Mommy and Daddy and also don't especially like condescending and hyper-critical lectures that make them feel like shit-heels.

Panel 9: John astonishes Mike by asking him why he never talks to him. Why should Mike talk to an asshole who beat the shit out of him for calling him out on being a self-serving load of hot garbage who thinks that his kids are freeloading off of him because he confuses a moral obligation with a big favor he needs to be paid back for?

Panel 10: Since Lynn, Scott and Borgman lack the self-awareness necessary to see that teenagers rightly see them as an enemy to prevail over, it surprises John that Mike says that he has nothing to say to a man who never made any effort to meet his boy half-way.

Summary: Should she comment on this, Mike's inability to relate to John will be all his fault and not John's fault at all for cowering behind his paper and refusing to take any interest in his son's life that isn't crapping all over him for not being his dad's motherfucking clone.