November 29th, 2019

Snarky Candiru2

Sunday, 1 December 2019

The one where John's not wanting to wake up in the middle of the night to feel the baby kick kicks him in the ass.

(Original Publication Date, 2 December 1990)

Panel 1: We start things off late at night. While John is fast asleep, Elly is awakened by something that makes her put her hand on her belly.

Panel 2: When she gets all and asks "John?", you can almost see the punchline from here.

Panel 3: The strip most people will read begins with her asking him if he's awake and him making incoherent noise as a result. My guess is that the answer is no.

Panel 4: He frowns when he hears irrelevant buzzing noises that would sound like "The baby is moving. Put you hand here; you can feel it kick!"

Elly cannot help herself here. She has poor memory retention so each time April kicks, it will be the first and last time it happens no matter how many times it happens. People need to allow for her having a brain like a sieve.

This means that all it would take to make Elly happy is for him to blearily murmur "Oh, yeah.....that's nice" even if he felt nothing and didn't actually feel like feeling it even if he did and he could go back to his zombie-like slumber. As the next three panels remind us, that ain't John.

Panel 5: She puts his hand on her belly and says "There! Did you feel it?" and gets snoring as a response because he'd rather saw wood than be any sort of supportive husband.

Panel 6: When she says "Can you feel it, Honey? Wait there!", it's obvious that he's the same old John who wouldn't wake up if you set off firecrackers in his nostrils.

Panel 7: We get a strong reminder of WHY it always looks to me as if Elly is a single parent when his response to being asked if he felt anything is to whine "I dunno! I can't! I don't wanna! LET ME SLEEP!!!"

All she wanted him to do was to share a moment but all he cares about is sleeping. We can thus look forward to his being a whiny little bitch when asked to pick up his fair share of the childrearing and it burns her butt.

Panel 8: This is why this is the one time that I support Elly's being frustrated with the simpering asshole.

Panel 9: I can also get behind her kicking him in the ass out of sheer, petty frustration.

Panel 10: Since I know that it would take a bomb going off to rouse John from what he calls "gentle repose" and what I call "Thank goodness he snores or people would come around and put dimes on his eyes so he can pay the fare across the River Styx", I (unlike Elly) am not surprised when this is what finally gets him to feel something.

Summary: This has been "John Patterson: Emotional Absentee Parent And Unsupportive Dick Husband", The Short Course. It would be a fucking miracle if he were to get up for late-night feedings or change diapers voluntarily and it shows.