August 20th, 2019


Thursday, 22 August 2019

(Originally published August 23, 1990)
I guess it’s no surprise after yesterday’s comic strip, that Michael put on a pair of long pants.   Stan, on the other hand, has lost his shirt and his ability to speak louder than Michael’s thoughts.  Let’s take a look at what we are missing:

Panel 1:
Michael thinks:  I hate this.  It’s bad enough being out here with Martha’s parents, but having her brother along is a total bummer.
Stan:  Urbp!
Martha:  Slurp

Panel 2:
Michael thinks:  He thinks he’s so cool.  He thinks he’s so superior.  Every chance he gets, he makes me feel like a jerk.
Stan:  Hey, Michael.  I noticed that when you had your shirt off, you didn’t have any nipples.  Mine aren’t very big.  They are just two dots, but that’s two dots more than you have.  What happened to your nipples, Mike?  They should be around here.  {pokes at chest where nipples should be}
Martha thinks:  Stan is right.  Michael is physically unusual.  Does that mean our children will be deformed?

Panel 3:
Michael thinks:  No kidding.  When my sister starts dating, no way will I tag along and make their lives miserable.
Stan:  Is this a bad subject for you?  I noticed you turned your back on me and crossed your arms over your chest where your nipples should be.  Are you giving me the silent treatment?  Wow!  That’s…I don’t know.  Kind of funny.  I haven’t had anyone give the silent treatment since elementary school.  Ha! Ha!
Martha thinks:  I have seen that look from Michael before.   I was afraid this would happen.  Mom said you have to watch out dating a Patterson, because they will think they deserve to have all your attention and anyone else is just tagging along and making their lives miserable, even if it is your own family.  Michael isn’t making any effort to get along with my brother or my parents.  Now he seems to be in some kind of trance where he is talking to the only person important to him – himself.

Panel 4:
Michael thinks:  I’ll do it before they leave the house.

Stan:  Ha! Ha! Ha!  The silent treatment.  Ha! Ha! Ha!
Martha thinks:  The wind is blowing Michael’s hair back and you can see his receding hair line.  I guess he is going to get bald soon.  Why did I dump Lawrence for Mike?

Michael predicts that he will be a better man than Stan when Elizabeth starts dating.  Is that true?  Let’s look to the future and see:

As you would suspect, Michael does tag along and he does it after they leave the house.  Sorry, Michael.  Stan is the better man.  And he has nipples.