August 15th, 2019


Saturday, 17 August 2019

(Originally published August 18, 1990)
How not to set up a story by Lynn Johnston.

Panel 1:
Fred has on his comedy fishing hat (the hat where the brim goes so far down his face you question how it is possible for him to see).  He has his buck teeth.  Now all that’s left is for Fred to pretend it’s “Talk Like a Pirate” day.

Panel 2:
More pirate speak as we see what is truly terrible cartooning.  This panel and the next two are nothing but boat wake.  You can’t see anyone’s expressions.  You can’t see if there is any drama.   Plus this is not how a wake looks.  A wake looks like this:

Panel 3:
For some reason Fred is only talking to the kids as he sets up the premise that they are all alone with no one around them to rescue them.  Why would anyone need to rescue them, you say?

Panel 4:
There’s the reason.  Fred has neglected to fill the boat’s gas tank.  Now we just have to wait for it.  For two more weeks.  Oh, the suspense.

My head hurts from reading this story.  I think it hurts because of the big, stinking anvil Lynn Johnston is using to beat her readers over the head with the setup.