July 19th, 2019

Snarky Candiru2

Sunday, 21 July 2019

Since Michael is a Patterson, he learns vanishingly little from being called out on treating women as objects because he's more focused on being thought of as the child he is than he is about how his actions affect others.

Panel 1: We find ourselves at the lake shore again today watching Mike, Brian and Gordon being stereotypical horny teenage boys who get raging stiffies from wallpaper patterns. They demonstrate this by having Mike hoot "Hoo boy....check it out!!" owing to the presence of three young women (who I'll refer to as Emily, Anne and Charlotte because referring to them as Girl A, B and C is kind of a dick move) who've just passed by.

Panel 2: Lynn reminds us that she isn't good at writing dialogue for male characters when she has Mike ask if someone ordered desert and also has Brian and Gordo say "Yah" in unison.

Panel 3: She comes within a quarter inch of having Mike talk like an actual teenage boy when he says that he'd take the one in the middle (the one I'm calling "Anne").

Panel 4: She rotates back to "What The Shit?" Town when Gordon says that they can flatten his towel any time.

Panel 5: Brian steers things back to actually sounding like being a cat-calling dickchoad when he says that red is his favourite colour. This would appear to have gotten on the girls' last nerve.

Panel 6: The reason that I say this is that Emily confronts them and asks them if they'd want anyone to talk to kids like them that way.

The original version of this mess had Emily ask Mike if he or one of the other kids could make change for the payphone. The blatant subtext thus used to be "if the boys were older, the girls would respond to their 'flattery' but since they ain't, they're ignored."

Panel 7: Since they don't like the idea of absorbing the bullshit they dish out, they shuffle and stammer out something that sounds like "Nope."

Panel 8: As the three young women walk away, there's an awkward pause as Mike tries to make sense of what just happened.

Panel 9: We're reminded of Why Mike Don't Learn Jack Shit From Nothing when he petulantly simpers "Who do they think they're calling kids?"

Summary: Gee, Mike. I dunno. Maybe they're calling you a child because you are a child.....a child who can only understand his own hurt feelings. We'll see where you get that from over the course of the next few weeks when your imbecile mother rants about how Liz wants to trick her into buying eyeglasses in bulk.