September 14th, 2018

Snarky Candiru2

Sunday, 16 September 2018: John has no comic timing at all: OFFICIAL.

Mike does something that gets on my last God-damned nerve today when he dares to dictate to Elly how to dress while Elly does something far God-damned worse: she gives in.

Panel 1: We start today's example of spineless underparenting in which Elly caves when it actually kind of counts with Mike asking her if what she's wearing is what she plans on wearing down town. Having Michael express a concern that should be Elizabeth's reminds us that Lynn intends to go right on not understanding teenage boys because in the real world, Mike wouldn't notice it if Elly were to parade around in an original series Starfleet uniform.

Panel 2: He then does something that I myself knew better than to do or want to do despite my being one of the stupidest teenagers known to man (mostly because of the fact that I only noticed what my mom wore once in a blue moon) and laughs at her appearance.

Panel 3: He starts off by telling Elly to roll her slacks up because they look like bell bottoms because he's Lindy trying not to have her mom totally humiliate her by looking like she's from the olden days.

Panel 4: He then commands her to wear a T-shirt because her blouse is like so totes yesterday.

Panel 5: He then irritates her by suggesting a different style of belt. He should not use that word because belt is a verb applicable to his situation. Its use is "Elly should belt him for acting like a snot."

Panel 6: The final straw is his telling her to do something about her hair.

Panel 7: When she finally yells that she's had enough of Mike's beefing about her looks, John makes the scene.

Panel 8: Elly tells John that she's about to drive Mike down to the mall to meet his friends.

Panel 9: Having heard his wife's explanation for the conflict, John asks her why she submitted to her son's dress inspection like a chump.

Panel 10: John is severely astonished when Elly says that she degraded herself like that because she planned on getting out of the car.

Summary: The next time Elly starts ranting about how disrespectful Mike is and how he's got it in his head that he can boss her around, John can tell her that she should stop giving in. It's like watching Megatron not shoot Starscream in the back of the head even though he should have. Also, Joshua K is bloody well right that this isn't something a teenage boy would do but, well, Lynn has no idea what a teenage boy's deal is and doesn't wanna learn. We prove that tomorrow when we continue with her belief that having an erection must feel a lot like menstrual cramps.

Saturday, 15 September 2018

Today we get to see how a teacher would react to Gordon and his hormone attack.  Hint: It does not make teachers look good.

(Strip Number 1481, Original Publication Date, 16 September 1989)

Panel 1: Lawrence seems to be checking Gordon’s pulse as he lies on the floor with his tongue lolling out.  I guess it’s a good thing Lawrence was brought up by a woman who works (Does Connie still work?) in the medical profession.   After he finishes with Gordon, maybe Lawrence can take a look at Michael, whose eyes appear to have been glued together causing him to lean way over to the left with motion lines included as if he has to lean over to see the readers through the panel box.  Michael warns the readers to stand aside and recaps the hormone attack from yesterday.  We see an orange-haired kid (Darryl Smythe?) who is unidentified looking at Michael if he is the focus of attention.  I don’t blame him. Look at all that dandruff flying off Michael’s head, and he probably wonders just who Mike is talking to.

Panel 2: The hormone attack infection that causes purpling the bodies shows up again as everyone around Gordon turns purple.  Someone has managed to put a sheaf of paper in his hand (which he was previously not holding).  I assume this is to make Gordon look like a normal sheaf-carrying student as a teacher says, “What’s going on?”  In the purple crowd we see one character that appears to be female, which is fairly amazing all things considered.  Maybe this was intended to be early Tracey, but her hair is blackened in. 

Panel 3: Michael explains to the teacher that Allyson Creemore walked by in spandex shorts and Gordon freaked out.  The old fellow looks at Michael glassy-eyed as if to say, “When I was a guest character in Mary Worth, we never had stories this idiotic.  Mary was all class.”  A real teacher would send Gordon Mayes to the school nurse and would assume that Michael was an idiot.   After all, the kid said he couldn’t see and he was feeling weak and he was lying on the floor getting his pulse checked.  We have not seen a decent teacher in Lizzie or Michael’s school, since Lynn Johnston moved to Corbeil five years ago and that cycle continues here.   

Panel 4: The whole gang has risen and they are magically de-purpled.  On the floor is the dazed Gordon and the amazing girl who has not run in fear from Gordon.  Forget Tracey, Gordon.  It’s this girl you want to ask to see a movie.   She is the only one that doesn’t have her hands in her pockets as if she might actually try to help Gordon to his feet, unlike all his so-called “friends” with their hands conveniently in their pants pockets. 

The teacher who leaves after Panel 3 apparently talked about two more years to retirement, which is a punchline that comes up a lot with teachers in this comic strip almost as much as “for this I spent 4 years in teacher’s college.”

Summary:  It’s funny when teachers hate their jobs and hate the students.   That’s comedy gold.