September 13th, 2018


Friday, 14 September 2018

And now for one of the stupidest storylines Lynn Johnston ever created in her 29 years of comic strip creation as she demonstrates just how little she knows about teenage boys: 

Gordon Mayes and the Hormone Attacks

(Strip Number 1480, Original Publication Date, 15 September 1989)

Panel 1: Gordon cries, “Holy Spandex, Batman!!!” as he sees Allyson Creemore, who is making her very first appearance.  Meanwhile in stately Wayne manor, I mean, in the background Lawrence makes the first appearance that he has made since Michael’s birthday party last April. 

Panel 2: Gordon describes Allyson as a bowser, and now without her giant sheaf of paper to cover her body, Gordon realizes she is not a bowser.  There is no way to sympathize with Gordon here as he is basically saying Allyson was as ugly as a dog last spring and the only reason he is thinking of her differently is that her tight spandex is showing him parts of her body he was unaware of before.  At this point I am really glad Lynn Johnston chose to blacken in Allyson’s clothing, because the implication of the spandex and Gordon’s overreaction is a little creepy.

That sort of comparison turns me off of Gordon and there is a part of me that is glad that he never ended up with Allyson, if that’s the way he thinks about girls.  It also makes me feel a certain degree of pity for poor Tracey who ends up being saddled with this schmuck.

Panel 3: We have an “AAAGHH!” and Gordon goes to full-on Schulz face as Michael grabs him to keep him from attacking Allyson.   Gordon says, “Hold me down”, which I can only assume means that Lynn Johnston never saw this classic Key and Peele:

Panel 4: You wouldn’t notice this in the original, but thanks to the colourist, it appears that hormone attacks turn you a light purplish colour and it affects the people around you as if it’s some kind of communicable disease.   We will see in upcoming strips that this purpling is used pretty consistently.  I think the colourist is attempting to de-emphasize people in the background as is done with Lawrence in Panel 1, but I have no idea why the hormone-attacked Gordon would be anything but the major focus of this panel.  I am assuming that the colourist did not take the unnamed girl standing next to Allyson seriously when she says, “…Act like you don’t notice.”  She was talking to Allyson, not to you, colourist. 

Summary: Gordon is attacked by his hormones and judging from his reaction it is a clear case of ass halt and bladdery.