August 15th, 2018

Angry Candiru

Friday, 17 August 2018: Elly Patterson of Earth...DIE!!!!

Elly's by the good book speech about how Mike should be more wonderful and volunteer would sit better if it didn't come from her belief that she and John should be given a big God-damned cookie for doing as little as possible when it comes to raising him.

(Strip Number 5179, Original Publication Date, 18 August 1989)

Panel 1: Since she lacks self-awareness, Elly believes herself to be telling Michael that despite what he believes, she and John don't make him do chores because they want to punish him. The problem is that she can't help but reveal her true motives by saying "We don't ask you to help around here just to hassle you." When she follows that by telling him "You OWE us," she reveals why they're punishing him: the default belief she and John have that children ask to be born to keep parents from having their own lives.

Panel 2: She continues on by telling him "You live in our house, you eat our owe us something in return." because the dumb-ass bitch writing this lives in a head space where children only pretend to be totally helpless in order to ruin their poooooor parents' lives.

(Since she does lack awareness of what she's actually saying, she will, of course, deny that she's just called him a freeloader. She's not some low-expectation having bitch who thinks that he should go out and work in a factory instead of sponging off of her and John, not her!!)

Panel 3: In fact, he should willingly help unappreciative, ungrateful shitbird parents who treat him as if he's a selfish burden all the time.

This is why I often fantasize about one or more of the mercenaries from Team Fortress 2 showing up and killing the fuck out of the pair of them.

Panel 4: As he goes into vapor lock trying to process the wad of self-justifying bullshit she just emitted, she frowns and thought-bubbles "Never hand a kid more than one impossible concept at a time."

Summary: As I've said before, Lynn seems to have gotten it into her stupid fucking head that a moral obligation is a cruel burden because she's a childish moron. A kid isn't a toy she can put away when she gets tired, a child is a person who's helpless and not a freeloader.