April 14th, 2018


Monday, 16 April 2018

Michael helps prepare for his birthday party today by doing nothing a paranoid schizophrenic wouldn’t do.

(Strip Number 1443, Original Publication Date, 17 April 1989)

Panel 1: Michael is deep in thought with what I hope are rhetorical questions.  Let’s take a look at them:

What if none of the guys show up?

Answer 1:  Normally a guy would be worried if none of the girls show up.  The guys should be easy.

Answer 2:  It means that Michael will have all the girls to himself, so I do not see the problem, but clearly Michael has issues with that idea.

What if I look like a fool?

Answer 1:  Remember it’s not a costume party and take off your motley.

Answer 2:  What do you mean “if”?  You are Michael Patterson after all.

What if my sister comes downstairs again with my undershorts on a stick?

Answer 1:  Again?  I don’t think I remember she did that before. 

Answer 2:  Rejoice because your lame party will be less lame and this storyline will be 100% better.

Panel 2: Oh, Michael.  Your sweater and jeans are fine.   However, I will give your hair to you.  Your hair looks so bad:

There are three ways a man wears his hair – parted, unparted or departed and Michael is managing to do all three at once.

You should put a rabbit on your head, so you can have a decent head of hare (hair).

People will come up to you and say, “I've read that using apple cider vinegar or a baking soda mixture can help do the trick with the barf in your hair.”

A cat looking at your hair will get confused thinking he/she has just barfed a hair ball on your head. 

Panel 3: Elly reveals to John that she does not know how Michael looks when he is relaxed.  Let me give you a clue, Elly.  If you see lots of thought balloons around his head, Michael is not relaxed.

Panel 4: Michael goes full-on Muppet, as he thinks about hyperventilating in order to enjoy his party.   Foolish Michael.  Muppets don’t have to breathe.

Summary: And so Michael sits back in his chair and forgets that he has had birthday parties before and that no one is coming to this party that he does not know and that he is not actually expending any effort on the party.