December 13th, 2017

Snarky Candiru2

Friday, 15 December 2017: The Shitting Forecast......

Since Danny's a slap-happy rural stereotype, he failed to insulate his water pipes and they froze solid resulting in the Pattersons being forced to use a small-capacity plastic drum with a seat on it as their toilet until John and Danny thaw the lines. To be fair to Elly, she had no idea going in that the sewer line would freeze solid nor would it have occurred to her Danny wouldn't be as fastidious about things as she and Mike are. To be not fair to Elly, she should have allowed for the possibility of shitting into a honeybucket because she knew going in that her husband's brother-in-law is an extra from Hee-Haw.

(Strip Number 1511, Original Publication Date, 16 December 1988)

Panel 1: As things degenerate to the sort of mess that anyone who isn't Elly or John would have anticipated, Danny tells Mike and Elly that he'll bring their things upstairs but to not use the plumbing because the pipes is froze. Since host and guest are equally stupid, this does not result in Elly turning on her heel and finding a Motel 6 to stay in because at least it has running water and room for her, John and the kids.

Panel 2: He then freaks Elly and Michael out by saying that he'll look at'em in the mornin' but fer now, there's a five gallon drum in the basement behind the cistern. Having never before had to use a honey-bucket, Mike asks "WHAT?"

Panel 3: As Uncle Danny reminds us that as a good hayseed, he subconsciously thinks of women as chattel property by saying that she ain't fancy but she holds a load (he's full of crap because five Imperial gallons aren't much bigger than five American ones) and she's built for comfort, the idea of having to crap into a plastic bucket for an indeterminate period of time because his host is a cretin straight of a Can-con Hooterville causes Mike to regress to being five years old.

Panel 4: Being told that he put a seat on her does nothing to improve his guests' mood.

Summary: Also, to be fair to Danny, he's not aware of how his language betrays certain habits of mind. To not be fair, he shouldn't fucking HAVE them. You can plumb people by their language, you know. Also, Danny's a fucking moron expecting his guests to just lump it because he's too stupid to wrap his pipes and plug in the damned heat tape like the building code says to. My guess is that he's probably gonna try to thaw them out with a blowtorch he's the Pyro or something.