November 11th, 2017

Snarky Candiru2

Monday, 13 November 2017

We begin Mike's transformation into an annoying dolt who uses big words he doesn't properly understand when Elly objects to his use of gutter language in her presence. Also, this is the dawn of the John who, while knowing that his wife's Very Clever Plan is about to run aground on the rocky shoals of reality, holds his peace because he knows it's not going to do any good.

(Strip Number 5049, Original Publication Date, 14 November 1988)

Panel 1: We start things off with pea-brained Mike not being able to get it through his thick skull that his mother isn't going to take him describing the flurries he's looking at out the picture window as 'shitty weather'. Since we know who Elly is and how she regards every stupid thing her moronic whelps do as a referendum on whether she should be publicly executed for failure, we can anticipate and understand the hint of desperation behind her yelling "LANGUAGE!!!" at the boy.

Panel 2: I'm put in mind of that old promo TV Land had about how what Ward and June told the Beav went clean through his empty skull without touching the two neurons tied together in a slip knot he calls a brain when I watch Elly drop the "Honestly!!!" bomb; that's because unlike her, I know that Mike isn't going to learn anything from her impassioned speech about what's happening to the world that people in movies, television and real life can't express themselves without using profanity because all he sees is a mother who wants to punish him for being alive (and, unlike her and all the other adults he knows, being able to enjoy it) and using just a coupla swears as that day's excuse.

Panel 3: She attracts John's attention when she points out that there are thousands of perfectly delightful descriptive words whose use won't make Marian materialize out of the luminiferous aether and tell Elly that she's a disappointment who should kill herself so a competent mother can raise those kids properly before asking why today's hateful children who hate the love in her heart use the same tedious four-letter ones.

Panel 4: John gets in a slam at the expense of the children neither he nor Elly actually bother reading to by stating that maybe they like to use ones they can spell.

Summary: The problem with the Very Clever Plan Elly comes up with is that it's a day late and a dollar short. John might have foreseen that all the kids would see when exposed to a wider vocabulary is the ability to insult people without pushback from sub-literate friends but he won't tell Elly this because he knows better.