September 1st, 2017

Snarky Candiru2

Sunday, 3 September 2017

In today's strip, Lizzie is an evil monster who wants to destroy her poooooor mother because she's a fidgety third-grader who doesn't like the idea of sitting around bored off her ass while Mommy shops for clothes.

(Strip Number 7262, Original Publication Date, 4 September 1988)

Panel 1: We find Elly and Lizzie at the new, improved Eastgate Mall. As Elly gapes at a display, Lizzie sets up the strip by trying to get Mommy to MOVE because standing around is BORING!!!!

Panel 2: Since Lizzie might actually want to waste Mommy's time looking at a toy store, she yells "Mommy....come ON!!!!"

Panel 3: Elly does not come on and tells Lizzie to wait while Mommy looks at this new dress.

Panel 4: Since Lynn has never quite managed to get it through her thick skull that small children and middle aged ladies experience time as moving at different speeds, Lizzie is clearly a monster who wants to hurry Elly through life when she asks how long she's going to be. Since Elly thinks that Lizzie also experiences time as simply zipping by, she blithely says 'Not long.'

Panel 5: Lizzie sighs in frustration when Elly tries her to get to look at the pretty shoes.

Panel 6: As Elly window-shops at a sportswear store, Lizzie tries to pull her away because she's BORED. As Lizzie tries to dart off to somewhere she'd actually like to go, things start to turn from "Oh, well. Lizzie might not be having fun but you don't want her racing around loose." into "KILL CHILDREN BEFORE THEY WRECK EVERYTHING!!!!!" when a mutant calls Elly's name.

Panel 7: Lizzie reminds us that she's always going to be either terrified of or uncomfortable around people she doesn't know when she reverts to Barnacle Girl as Elly and Sharon Bouffant-Overbite compare notes on how wonderful the new mall is.

Panel 8: Sharon sets up the punchline by asking Elly how she can resist just buying everything in sight.

Panel 9: Super-Martyred Elly tells her "Bring Elizabeth" as her evil monster child drags her away from her wonderland of impulse buying.

Summary: As always, Lynn has distinct trouble understanding why people do what they do. I see a bored little girl who wants to get moving because sitting until numb is boring and silly yoked to a mother who wants to take her time deciding what, if anything, she'd like to buy. Lynn and Elly see Mommy's retail experience being ruined by a whirling dervish who wants to speed up the clock so fast that Elly will simply disappear into a cloud of dust by the end of business day.