June 3rd, 2017

Snarky Candiru2

Sunday, 4 June 2017: Elly is fortified with Child Hatred 3000.

Today's strip ends up sort of being an echo to the first Sunday strip. This is because smashing a radio because you hate the song is a second cousin to informing the world that the dumb kids who make messes on those silly "Make laundry day a holiday" ads should really be treated in a manner that sort of violates the Geneva Convention. Not even jjamele wants THAT to happen.

Panel 1: We find ourselves watching Liz and Mike watching television as Not-Pat Sajak tells them that Not-Wheel Of Fortune will be back after the commercial break.

Panel 2: We start things off with an ad for New Improved BLAST detergent that's now fortified with Grime Gobble 3000. We should thus expect a sort of contrast between unrealistic TV ads and the reality of how doing laundry is never a holiday. Given that Lynn is writing it, we should also expect it to go too damned far.

Panel 3: As two child actors slide down a hill, the actor playing their mother clucks about grass stains with an indulgent smirk.

Panel 4: Mike and Lizzie are confronted by something they've never experienced before: a 'mother' that doesn't explode in a blind rage and babble angrily about how they HAVE to be lying about not wanting to destroy her brain when confronted with dirt. This mom confidently states that she doesn't worry about grass stains because Blast™ detergent will get their white clothes brand-new clean. Since they're dumb, this leads to problems.

Panel 5: TV Mom says that kids will be kids so to make YOUR laundry day a holiday by using 'Blast.' Since Mike and Liz are dumber than crap and actually believe what they see on television, they rush out to get dirty because they stupidly think that a box of laundry soap will make a mother who's genetically incapable of being happy happy.

Panel 6: Elly finally bothers to find out what her kids are up to and, as could be expected, loses her shit when she sees what they're doing.

Panel 7: As she frog-marches them to the laundry room, Elly subjects them to Lecture Number 58 about how they hate her and want to make her their slave because children are monsters.

Panel 8: The next thing we know, Elly is still foaming at the mouth about how they MUST want to destroy her ability to express an opinion and they're being told to strip down so that Mommy can do the laundry NOW!!!!! Since the commercial isn't supposed to go this way, Lizzie asks Mike would could possibly be wrong with Mom this time. Mike has no idea what could be her problem.

Panel 9: As he and Lizzie stand around covering their chests, he demonstrates that he doesn't understand cause and effect when he ascribes her angry over-reaction to her using the wrong detergent.

Summary: Laundry Day might never be a holiday but, as always, Lynn's remedy for a minor irritation is somewhat excessive. What makes it all the worse is that if Coffee Talk were still a thing, we'd have to contend with chirping imbeciles who either want to do what Elly did, did what Elly did or defend what Elly did.