May 27th, 2017

Snarky Candiru2

Sunday, 28 May 2017

As threatened, here's that remix of the crocus strip that has Lynn beef about how little boys and dogs are always chaotic evil and hate flowers and happiness and their poooooooooooooor mothers who they neeeeeever thank.

(Strip Number 6725, Original Publication Date, 29 May 1988)

Panel 1: We start things off with Lizzie walking up to a flower growing smack dab in the middle of the lawn with a watering can in hand. It is best not to get too attached to Chekhov's Probably Supposed To Be A Daffodil.

Panel 2: Lizzie waters the Sacrifical Flower Of Making A Questionable At Best Point.

Panel 3: Lizzie actually hugs the flower to show us that she is a Good And Kind Girl Who Is Too Pure For This Sinful World.

Panel 4: As the idyll continues, we see the shadow of hateful primeval chaos that loves war and sports and other things that hurt people emerge onto the scene when Mike and Farley's silhouettes intrude.

Panel 5: Since little boys and dumb dogs are both agents of CHAOS!!!! that ruin things because that's just what they do because they were made to ruin the lives of WE MOMS!!! because that's what Satan designed them to do, Mike and Farley run right over the flower.

Panel 6: Having borne witness to his cruelty and selfishness, Lizzie yells for Mike to come back.

Panel 7: When told of his evil crime of running over the flower, the hateful wickedness that comes with being a boy makes him ask what her problem is.

Panel 8: He attempts to muddy the issue with evil male logic that is evil by pointing out that there are loads of flowers about.

Panel 9: He compounds his selfish wickedness by asking why she happens to care about a stooopid flower that shouldn't have been in his way in the first place.

Panel 10: Elizabeth stares mournfully at the dead flower and says that she knew this one.

Summary: If this strip's purpose is to elicit sympathy for Elizabeth, it succeeds. If its purpose is to make us hate Michael for not caring about flowers, it also succeeds. If its purpose is to chastise Aaron for an imagined sin, it succeeds. If its purpose is to remind us that we care more about people we get to know than people we don't, it fails because people want to clutch The Daughter to their bosom and cry bitter, angry tears because of hateful little boys who ruin happiness.