May 2nd, 2015

Snarky Candiru2

Sunday, 3 May 2015

We anticipate an arc in which The Grand Waste Of Time ruins Elly's life forever by accidentally bursting a bag of milk by having the Ungrateful Wretch ruin Elly's life forever by accidentally bursting a bag of milk. Hmm. I wonder why we never get to see the Evil Destroyer Of Elly's Last Hopes ruin her life forever by accidentally bursting a bag of milk.

(Strip Number 7215, Original Publication Date, 4 May 1986)

Panel 1: We start things off with Elly reading a recipe that requires two eggs, a tablespoon of butter and one and three quarters cups of milk.

Panel 2: She tries pouring the milk only to find out that the bag is empty.

Panel 3: The strip most people will actually read starts with her handing Mike a fiver and asking him to go down to the corner store to get a bag of milk to save her a trip.

Panel 4: We see him walking home from the store.

Panel 5: As he walks up the drive-way, an enthusiastic Farley rushes up to greet him.

Panel 6: Since The Ungrateful Wretch should actually be called The Oblivious Imbecile, Mike proves that his brain is tiny by whipping the shopping bag like a toy to entertain Farley.

Panel 7: He continues to do so because unlike us, he cannot foresee a downside to "Ah, come on, Maaaaa....I wuz jus'playin'!!!"

Panel 8: The amazingly predictable outcome that totally surprises him is Farley biting the bag.

Panel 9: The other eminently predictable outcome is him standing around like a shivering pillar of shite watching the milk drain out of the bag.

Panel 10: This, of course, leads to a fuming Elly buying a new bag of milk because she thinks her idiot children are being stupid and lacking in foresight on purpose.

Summary: As I said at the top of the header, Lynn used to love to berate her children for being unreliable and thereby deliberately tormenting her because they hate her despite her accidentally absolving them by making them look merely oblivious and heedless. Also, look for an awkward, incoherent and poorly punctuated explanation of bagged milk that gets dates and details all wrong.