May 2nd, 2014

Angry Candiru

Saturday, 3 May 2014: John Patterson of Earth: DIE!!!!!!

We end the week with John offering Mike a sadistic choice: "Either needlessly inconvenience yourself for no other reason than the fact that your swinish clod parents envy the allegedly carefree existence their malice and stupidity make impossible OR be a monster they can't love."

(Strip Number 846, Original Publication Date, 4 May 1985)

Panel 1: A panicked Mike reminds John that he forgot all about Mother's Day and asks if he has to spend all his allowance getting her a gift. John says no but it's a very loaded no.

Panel 2: The reason is that he tells Mike that he can either spend his money selfishly on himself (as opposed to, say, doing something nice for her OR making something nice that won't cost him a dime)...

Panel 3: OR do something nice for someone who does a lot of nice things for him.

Panel 4: He then leaves the decision up to Mike. Given that the decision is "Either sacrifice EVERYTHING to us or be a bad child we can't love," Mike has to expose himself to the bullying of Brad Luggsworth because his parents think that the world owes them a living.

Summary: Not only has the entitled dick forced an impossible choice on the boy for a silly and self-serving reason, he's set in motion the chain of events that would lead Mike to get guilted into buying crap for EVERYONE on Valentine's Day 2007 just to prove that he's acceptable company. He can't help it because it's been drilled into him that to be a loyal son requires sacrificing on other people's behalf without expecting credit for it at all. It would be one thing if they thanked him sincerely but the underlying context of any gratitude is that it took people long enough.
Self Portrait

5 Complaints About Modern Teens (That Are Statistically BS)

Cracked Blogger John Cheese debunks complaints about teenagers...WITH STATISTICS!

I was hesitant to post this yesterday because many of the comments went something like "Wah, wah, wah, Strawman. Wah, wah, wah, gotchyer chart wrong. Wah, wah, wah." But after DC made the comment,

Lynn continues to not "get" children to this day. The reason that I say this is that one of the Lynnsights (the one attached to the thing about how "they" want us to look at them) has Lynn not only out herself as a deluded poser hippie chick who thinks that she fooled people into thinking she had street cred but also think that she'd fit in well with today's teen scene after describing a stereotype monster that has as much relation to a real seventeen year old girl as Dragon Ball has to the daily life of a martial arts teacher.

I decided, "What the hell." You guys are smart. Read. Judge for yourself.