September 28th, 2013

Snarky Candiru2

Sunday, 29 September 2013

Elly stands at the mirror screaming about how thirty-five is the new eighty again. Five bucks says that just as she's always thought she was ten pounds overweight, Elly has always thought that she was a decrepit old hag who was five seconds away from dying of rampaging senility. Must have made Junior High fun for the girls having to listen to her daily tantrum about dying oooooooooold and alooooooooooooone.

(Strip Number 7169, Original Publication Date, 30 September 1984)

Panel 1: As our story continues, we find Elly doing something she does about every week or so: looking in the mirror and berating herself for having aged horribly far before her time. Today's version of said event has her thought-bubble that her face is changing, is not the same and is definitely different.

Panel 2: The reason: it's older.

Panel 3: She thinks that perhaps if she parted her hair to the side, she could stave off the ravages of age.

Panel 4: Failing that, she could perhaps put on extra moisturizer around her eyes in order to hide the network of creases only she seems to be able to see.

Panel 5: She then muses that perhaps a different coloured blush could help her recapture her lost youth.

Panel 6: Since no cosmetic in the world can make her feel good about herself when it's not in her to be happy, she admits defeat. She's ooooooold before her time and there's nothing she can do about it.

Panel 7: She then makes an irritating comment about how she remembers that when her mother is the age she is now, her face was also a roadmap of creases and lines. (Given that what few photos of Mrs Ridgway we've been allowed to see show us an average woman and not the shamblng zombie from The Walking Dead that Lynn and Elly see in the mirror, I think that someone has let cosmetic companies set up shop in her brain.)

Panel 8: Now, it seems to her that it's her time to take on that look of the mature woman.

Panel 9: She stares at a face that she's hated all her life for an awkward second.

Panel 10: She then yells that she's not ready.

Summary: As I've said before, the problem with Elly is that she has insanely high standards that were locked in place when she was twelve. Were she magically to appear in front of us after having yelled about the horrors of having aged too fast, we'd be looking at a reasonably youthful looking woman in her mid thirties bedeviled with a very bad attitude. It would seem to us that she's making a big deal over nothing because we're not as she is: an insane kid trapped in the body of a woman the six-year old running it sees as looking like the Crypt Keeper.