October 31st, 2009

Angry Candiru

Sunday, 1 November 2009

I would like to think that Lynn might remember that it's Halloween weekend and have more trick-or-treating but you never know with her; we could end up seeing any damned thing.

It's a post-Halloween new-ruin that is similar in spirit to the re-reprint I orginally assumed would have disgraced Monday's paper; as before, we have a bratty annoyance taking advantage of Elly's callous stupidity to jam it to someone who cannot fight back. I know WHY he does stuff like this but I don't really as such sympathize with the little fink despite his mother being a total bitch.

Panel 1: We see Mike MUNCH-CRUNCH-GRUNCH-MFF-MUNCH-GULP-MFFing his Halloween Candy.

Panel 2: This leads to his belching thusly: URRBP!!!

Panel 3: Elly shows up and tells him that she'd like to throw away the rest of that Halloween candy NOW. His response is the same as everyone else in the world's: an incredulous "Uh?" This makes Farley take notice as he's wondering what kind of crazy, selfish monster mother would DO this.

Panel 4: We next see a bit of hypocritical humor; seeing Mike with his face full of food whining "But I still want it!!" is supposed to be a bad thing when it's a good thing if Elly does it.

Panel 5: Next, comes a wall of specious reasoning as she gives her reason for this false economy; since he's already eaten all the best stuff and doesn't need more sugar, they must waste food like idiots. He yells "AAUGH!!" like Charlie Brown would.

Panel 6: She says that she's giving him five minutes and then she's tossing it. It should be noted that she doesn't even look him in the eye when delivering this insane ultimatum.

Panel 7: Five minutes later, she comes in and says that time's up; he hands her a bag and says "Here."

Panel 8: She says "Good boy; you know that throwing away that candy because I didn't get any is the right thing to do, don't you?" He responds to Elly's hateful, self-serving chunk of immoral moral bullying with a cheery "Uh huh!"

Panel 9: The reason he thinks everything's cool is 'cause he just tossed Lizzie's candy before she could eat it.

Summary: Where do I begin to describe all the things that are wrong with this? First off, simply tossing all the candy is not only wasteful, it's mean-spirited, abusive and stupid which probably means it's one of the nifty things that Lynn's evil drunk of a mother did to her and she's too cowed and self-loathing to question. Second, all that Elly has managed to really do is deprive Lizzie of something; since we never saw her take disciplining Mike seriously and his casual cruelty was depicted as fodder for sight gags, it's obvious that she doesn't really understand that the level of bullying we will see is anything like a problem. Fail all around, Lynn. Not that I could have expected anything better from this family.