April 11th, 2009

Angry Candiru

Sunday, 12 April 2009

It's Easter Sunday today. That means one of two things will occur.

1) Lynn will present a strip that showcases her nebulous grasp on the tenets of Christianity.

or

2) She will focus on the secular (CHOMP! CHEW! GLUUUUUT! SHLORRRP!! SHLLLUMMMMPPPHHH!) aspects of the holiday.

Either way, it'll be as stupid as the ending of the Hannah Montana film.

ETA: It's even stupider than having Miley think that Daddy wants her to be a normal girl only to be told at the end of the film that he's simply giving her an extended timeout from stardom (and having a secret identity) for acting like a goof and is expected to continue wearing the wig until her series becomes unprofitable; that's because Elly stands there like a golem after seeing the results of her lack of foresight. It should also be noted that this new-run is consistent as to the primary victim of her irresponsible idiocy AND his being blamed for ruining things when she is clearly the one at fault. It should also be noted that we're seeing the downside of the behavior advocated in the kids' book.

Panel 1: Our story begins in the Pattermanse's bathroom as we see Farley sniffa-snuffa-sniffing the air.

Panel 2: An exclamation point appears over his head as we see what caught his attention: a painted egg.

Panel 3: Being utterly incapable of realizing what Easter is or why the humans that surround him put the egg there and expect it to be there when they return from a place he doesn't and can't know exists, he noisily chews the thing up, shell and all. We should pause for a second and be thankful that this is a hard-boiled, painted hen's egg he's eating; if it were chocolate, they'd come home to find his remains.

Panel 4: We next see him sniff-snuff-snerfing the air in what must be Lizzie's bedroom. Lizzie's bunny is holding another egg.

Panel 5: He pulls the egg down to the floor and takes a whole bunch of stuff with it....

Panel 6: ....and EAT-CHEW-SMACK-CRUNCH-GLUMPHs down the egg.

Panel 7: We're now in the dining room as we see the egg 'hidden' on the table. He sniffa-snuffa-snerfs the air...

Panel 8: ...and then gets on a chair and CRUNCH-CHEW-SMACK-EATs the egg.

Panel 9: Sadly, he's given himself an upset stomach eating those eggs his owners left out for some reason he's incapable of determining. It's at this point I should rescind the praise I allowed Elly and John in panel 3; the eggs were left out so long, they've gone bad.

Panel 10: We next see the Pattersons returning from Church. Upon witnessing a sick-to-his-stomach Farley and seeing some of the damage he did, John observes that next year, they should hunt for eggs before going to church. John loves saying obvious things, doesn't he?

Summary: It's a good thing John and Elly think their kids are nitwits and hid the eggs in plain sight. If they gave them a challenge, it's obvious Farley would have caused even more havoc owing to their inability to take his instinctive behavior into account and thus restricting his freedom of action.