February 2nd, 2009

Snarky Candiru2

Elly's Letter, 2 February 2009

Today's return to the Phil and Connie show makes me wonder what the discussion topic for the week will be. I had thought that Elly would be trolling for advice about how to cheer Mike up but we could just as easily see her ask advice about how to proceed in the face of Phil's refusal to let her mess up his life.

After a butt-load of yippety-dippety about dropping her creative writing class and John's needing to bone up on cosmetic dentistry, Elly gets to the point: should she make make her children endure so many guilt trips they earn frequent flier miles?

By the way, the line that makes this letter totally frakking ridiculous is this:

Or do they (as my mother argues) help children develop a proper conscience and prevent them growing up with a totally selfish point of view?

Too bad that Marian didn't twig to Elly's being a borderline sociopath; the old doll fell for Elly's outrageous ass-kissing when she was a teenager and thus thought she had set her on the right path. As we've seen, Elly is incapable of real remorse and thinks the world rotates around her.
Snarky Candiru2

Tuesday, 3 February 2009

Well, it looks as if the Connie and Phil show is back in town. The strange thing is that Lynn seems to be subverting the original intent of that sequence. Back in the eighties, Elly was simply a perplexed bystander to Connie's humiliation; now, she's become a Saboteur Friend sending her victim off on a doomed quest so she can rub Connie's nose in her failure.

Check that; she's pretty much acting under duress here.

Panel 1: She's on the phone talking to Phil asking how things are.

Panel 2: As she asks him how his show is doing, Connie tells her "Ask him about me" in a whisper that he can probably hear.

Panel 3: She does the same thing a bit more aggressively as Elly talks to him about the kids. On the other end of the line, Phil's knees have slammed shut in anticipation of her arrival.

Panel 4: Her desperate need to find a MAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYunnnnn causes her to get even more forceful to get Elly to ask him about her. By now, of course, Phil is asking her if that friend of hers is ever going to stop leaving crazy-ass messages on his answering machine.

Panel 5: As Connie looks ready to commit violence because the conversation hasn't turned to why he's not doing the right thing and marrying her because they had sex, Elly asks him if he's heard from the Poirier lunaticwoman.

Summary: This strip is meant to tell us that Elly wanted to let things fizzle out all along but was kept from doing so because she didn't want to get beaten up by a fake feminist.

ETA: The new day beings us yet another banner.

Chaps, Chums, Spelling Errors, and Flirting with Firefighters

The FBorFW newsletter for February has arrived and here is an excerpt:
=================== A Funny Story, Courtesy of Lynn: ===================

I had an interesting experience last night. There was a distinct stink near the kitchen sink....Kate and I had whiffed this the night before and wondered what was burning. It was a melting plastic smell, the kind you notice when there's an electrical fire. We sniffed the entire kitchen. (you can hyperventilate doing this) I pulled out the fridge, checked all the outlets, found nothing on the element of the dishwasher. Kate went home and I went to bed.

Last night I put the dishwasher on and WHOA!!! Electrical fire smell! I turned off the washer, got out the fire extinguisher and started another search. Nothing. Smell still lingered. Thinking there might be something in the wall behind the washer, I decided to call someone at the fire dept to come have a look. Well, you can't find a HUMAN after 5, it seems. All fire dept. numbers send you to a nice recording. The only option was 911. I called and apologized to the nice young man who answered saying it was only an odor, no smoke, no emergency, but would someone come to check. He assured me I'd done the right thing, took a bunch of info and I cleaned up the kitchen while I waited. About 5 minutes later (it was around 7 o'clock) I heard sirens. Then I heard loud radios and serious voices and I said to myself..."this can't be MY call! There must be a FIRE around here!"

3 enormous yellow fire trucks came down our narrow little lane and into the yard followed by a red emergency vehicle...all with lights flashing and sirens on!!! Men in yellow fire gear wearing large helmets came to my door. I let 5 men into the house. "Don't take off your boots" I said "whatever it is...is in the kitchen" The men sniffed the air. Five more men in fire gear came in. "Don't take off your boots" I said. "Make yourselves at home." All 11 of us sniffed and two concluded the odor (faint as it was with the open doors, the smell of plastic fire gear and baking) that it indeed came from the washer. Three men lay on the kitchen floor. "We need a screwdriver" one said "and a flashlight." I volunteered my toolkit and went out to the workshop. Eleven men and a woman- all in serious firefighting gear were outside, talking amiably in a circle. One man was shovelling my walks.

The guys inside took apart the bottom of the dishwasher. They were were piled on top of each other in the narrow space, making wisecracks about intimacy while the others watched. The chief arrived in his own car. "Don't take off your boots", I said. Eight people were still in the kitchen. Two scoured the house for any signs of electrical faults and checked the alarms. "I should have baked cookies!" I said (thinking how old ladyish that sounded) but,they agreed. There was a big casserole of fresh baked bread pudding on the stove. I got out some bowls, spoons and napkins and told them to help themselves. Three dug in and one chap took some to the guys outside.

The chief wanted the entire dishwasher removed from the wall. It came out with some effort and the problem was exposed. A hose was too close to some other thing and the rubber was getting hot. A fire hazard in the making, to be sure. All were pleased with the discovery. They disconnected the washer and mopped up the floor.

Outside, the neighbours had started to arrive. One was asking if I needed blankets and a safe place to stay. Others were wondering if the fire was going to spread. All were anxious and concerned. You don't get 3 massive, flashing emergency trucks and 13 firefighters in swat gear on my road (3 houses and a woodpile) too often.

The problem had been solved. I was advised to get a new dishwasher and almost reluctantly, the guys started to pack up and leave. I gratefully thanked them all as I collected the bread pudding dishes (I gave one guy the recipe) and as they collected their doffed jackets and masks, I asked the chief- whose card I now had, (we'd had a great chat and were becoming chums...) Why I had been blessed with so MANY rescuers. "Well, he said," We had an emergency drill out here this evening and you were on the way!"

Well, I gotta say, with their fast response, professionalism and humor I was definately [sic] in good hands. Had there been a serious emergency, I'd have been saved...no question. in short, this was a great opportunity to see what our emergency response team is all about and I'm more than proud of them all.

In the end, I came to this well documented conclusion: ladies...if life becomes dull...if the evening seems a little long...call 911. Within 5 minutes, you'll have a party going on- neighbours and all...and, it's a WONDERFUL way to meet men!!!
Snarky Candiru2

Coffee Talk, the week of 3 February 2009

Now that Lynn has declared her intention to troll for parenting advice again, let's see what she gets as a result. I'd say that most of the citizens of Kool-Aid Nation think Elly is a great mother so we're probably going to get variations on the theme "Stay the course".

ETA: Lynn also announced the winner of the autographed print: that chirpy kiss-ass Anna M from Winnipeg.