December 27th, 2008

Snarky Candiru2

Sunday, 28 December 2008

I wonder what kind of horror awaits us today. I also wonder if the first two panels add to the story this time.

That's a judgment call, isn't it? It's hard to say what effect the subtraction of the throwaway panels have on the thrilling epic "John Patterson versus Unsolicited Admail." Suffice to say that the Trainman of La Mancha makes an ineffectual stand against junk mail while simultaneously allowing RevElly to make a bad joke at his expense.

Panel 1: This first panel adds nothing to the story; all it does is show the arrival of the junk mail that gets John so upset.

Panel 2: This panel is equally optional because it shows RetJohn's silhouette look at Fauxley SNIFFSNUFFSNIFF the mail.

Panel 3: This is where most people see the story begin: RetJohn bending down improperly to pick mail up off the floor. For a man who was plagued with back problems his whole life, he sure doesn't seem to want to make life easier on himself.

Panel 4: In any event, the arrival of all that unsolicited mail gets him so angry, it sets his brain on fire. I mean, there's a cloud of black smoke pouring out of his ears and everything.

Panel 5: He then does what everyone else does: toss it into the garbage and thus become the sort of person he made that pious speech about judging a society by what it throws away one Earth Day.

Panel 6: RevElly asks RetJohn, who's TICKA-TACKA-TAPPA-TYPING away at an unseen keyboarded device, who he's writing to.

Panel 7: As he holds a piece of paper in his misshapen hands, he says he's writing to the companies that keep sending them junk mail in order to get them to stop.

Panel 8: Each and every one of them is going to get a piece of his tiny mind, you see.

Panel 9: Displaying all the sparkling wit of a subnormal walrus on downers, RevElly observes that he's fighting flyers with flyers.

Summary: She should point out that the post office makes most of its money by distributing advertising mail so RetJohn has become a modern-day Don Quixote tilting at windmills.