December 13th, 2008

Cynical Candiru

Sunday, 14 December 2008

After being revolted by a not-at-all comic horror (it wasn't funny when Marley did it either) yesterday, it would be nice to have something treacly and silly to take the edge off. Let's see if Lynn gives us an early Christmas gift.

ETA: Whaddaya know? She delivers! It may feature the Pattersons and someone I believe to be Uncle Phil (which flushes continuity down the toilet) grousing at each other because they just cannot plan ahead but it does provide the sappy, fridge-quality gather-round-the-Christmas-tree (sorry for the spoiler) punchline that soothes us after yesterday's exercise in negligent parenting.

Panel 1: As I broadly hinted at, it's the Pattersons and their misadventures with getting the tree set up for the year. We lead off with John asking Elly, who's holding a wailing Lizzie if this tree, which is about to fall over on Phil, is the correct one. She cannot decide.

Panel 2: Instead she angrily tells Mike to stop making sure Farley doesn't run hog-wild around the lotfooling around with the dog and do her job for her, the lazy nitwit.

Panel 3: The predictable-to-anyone-who-isn't-as-God-damned-stupid-as-Elly end result of her peevish shortsightedness is referred to by Phil who asks where the heck Farley got to. Not that Elly cares; she's too busy breaking up a fight between her kids to notice that she let the puppy run loose owing to her blank-witted impatience and idiocy. Meanwhile, John still wants to know if this is the tree they've agreed on.

Panel 4: After having gotten everyone rounded up, they pay for the tree. The guy how runs the lot tells them that one with more needles costs extra.

Panel 5: We see an angry John explain that the tree is in the station wagon with them because they forgot the rope.

Panel 6: As they bring the thing into the Pattermanse, Elly yelps that they're getting needles all over the place.

Panel 7: As John puts the tree in its stand he says that every year they go through this.

Panel 8: And every year, it's worth it.

Summary: If they'd have opted for an artificial tree, we'd have had jokes about missing branches, remembering which one goes where and keeping Farley from chawing on them.