August 3rd, 2008

Snarky Candiru2

Anthony's Bio: an alternative......

It occurs to me that if Lynn had made Anthony a smug bastard with a Don Quixote complex instead of Emo Boy, his biography might be easier to take. I'll start with the first segment and you'll see what I'm getting at. If we'd seen:

"He first noticed Elizabeth Patterson at the Winter Holiday Pageant back when he was in Grade One. While his mother was slowly fuming about the [expletive deleted] secularists and their war on Christmas, the cute little girl with blond hair from 1-B was holding back a flood of tears. The reason: her older brother, a large, sullen-looking boy with dark hair was calling her a cruel name. Their dad, who he recognized as his dentist Doctor Patterson, looked like he'd wanted to put an end to it (and the boy) on the spot. The mother, on the other hand, stood there wringing her hands as if it was too much trouble to make things okay for her child. This made Anthony mad. If he were the same size as the cruel hoodlum Michael, he'd show him how to talk to a lady. Later on in life, he'd noticed her weird attraction to look-alikes of Michael who also treated her badly and wondered at it."

instead of Look back in wangst, we'd feel better about him.

As for his teenaged years, let's try:

"If there was one thing that made a sweet ride complete, it was a hot babe in the passenger seat. Too bad he could never really rely on Liz for that. Oh, she might be promising if she took the broomstick out of her rear end but with Mommy Dearest hovering over her yapping about having to watch her baby sister, that seemed unlikely. He could get the occasional rise out of her by hanging out with a more attractive girl but it didn't last. Besides, who needed the drama?"

This, of course, matches with the guy we've seen.

As for a more skillful attempt at remedial biography, let's try:

"He'd heard later on from Lawrence that Liz hadn't gone directly to the police like he'd told her to. What's more, she'd turned "Homewrecker? Too frigging late." into a pathetic whine. She was good like that."

As for a finisher:

"Granted, having Liz finally decide to marry him because she wanted a Daddy to protect her from the Big Scary World was a bit of a hollow victory but after making a complete mess of his first marriage because he was stupid and immature, he felt he needed to punish himself a bit."

Therese bio

I'm putting together a biography of Therese, so that if/when any official bio goes up on the FOOB site, I can put my fingers in my ears and go "la la la," so to speak.

Couple of questions:

Does Therese have an established maiden name?

What's the concensus on when Anthony and Therese moved into Gordon's house? Was it before Therese got pregnant, as the retcon would suggest, or had Francie been born already?

I've read some great commentary on the Therese story from howtheduck on Howard Bunt's Blog, but I don't have time to hunt for it. Can anyone give me a link?

And are there any juicy details that simply must be included in the vindication of Therese?
Hells Yes!

Just a Thought

The only difference between what Elly's brainwashed Liz into believing, that a woman needs to marry for security and to be arm candy, and a woman who wants a sugar daddy is getting a sugar daddy doesn't involve swearing to forsake all others until death do you part and there's no fancy, overpriced ceremony and reception. Does that make sense or am I way off base?
Snarky Candiru2

Monday, 4 August 2008

It seems obvious at first blush that this strip will lead into the Settlepocalypse but it's also likely that Connie may show up and we'd have a week of flashbacks.

Panel 1: Damn it. Heeeeere's Connie! Elly stands there in her mother of the bride dress telling her this is all moving too fast. Connie tells her everything moves fast. I remember a lot of story lines slowed down by flashbacks heralded by her presence so I call shenanigans.

Panel 2: Elly asks her how she looks, hoping not to look too "mother-of-the-bride". Connie tells her she looks great and reminds her that she IS the mother of the bride.

Panel 3: She-Chinnuts tells her that she'll smile till it hurts, cry into her kleenex and take a million pictures. What's more, she'll be vicariously happy/sad/whatever right along with her.

Panel 4: And even though they'll both look like a couple of wrecks after it's all over, Connie promises to look worse. Elly thanks her.

Panel 5: Connie responds that's what friends are for.

Summary: I hope this is just the Pattersons making the rounds of the acquaintances. If we waste a week flashing back, I'll be pissed.