April 17th, 2008

Calm Candiru

Thursday, 17 April 2008

It's day four of one of the most unpleasant sequences I've seen in a while. As they beat us over the head with the fact that Liz is engaged and how her not setting a definite date is a horrible thing to do to her poor mother, amoral jerk Connie and martyrdom junkie Elly were at constant risk of wrenching ther arms out patting themselves on the back as they praise themselves for a bunch of virtues they don't have. So far, we've seen the two of them describe themselves as super-moms when they were on the destructive side of being mediocre. They then gushed about how well their children got along together when they, in fact, didn't which somehow caused Connie to harrumph about how Liz should pay heed to a tradition that she didn't because she owed Elly that much for services rendered. Connie topped that chunk of hypocrisy by bragging about being a great stepmother which revealed she wasn't because had she thought of them as her own like she said she did, she wouldn't make a point of reminding herself they weren't by calling them step-this and step-that. I know that they'll say something even more hateful while they're reminding us yet again that Liz and Anthony are getting married. I just don't know what and how awful it will be.

Panel 1:Well, it looks like the bullshit session wrapped up because we're at the Tiny Train House. In yet another gratuitous exterior shot, we read dialog that tells us that a) Elly is calling April to the dinner table and b) April will be there as soon as possible.

Panel 2: We see the reason April isn't rushing off to Pattersnarf: she's doing the homework her idiot mother probably doesn't think she has and doesn't want the flow to be interrupted. A worthy goal deserving of praise in any other household but this.

Panel 3: As proof of that, Elly insists on trying to disrupt her daughter's studying by proferring her a little food and pulling on the chair as a means of reminding her she needs to come to the table and listen to more praise of Anthony Caine. Naturally, having the chair halfway pulled out from under her makes our hero yell out. I can picture the ill-informed jerks on Kool-Aid Mountain telling April to 'deal' already.

Panel 4: She then proceeds to tell her in an understandably-to-everyone-who-isn't-a-Kool-Aid-Drinker aggravated-but-not-insulting-or-unkind fashion that she will eat when she is done studying.

Panel 5: Elly's disproportiante response, namely to bellow that she's done with being a mother, is made all the worse by forcing us to ask ourselves "Didn't she say she was done last year?" Not to mention "When did she start?" I guess this disproves the ranting she was doing about being loving and forgiving, doesn't it? Not to mention tough, practical and all those other things she ain't. A tough, loving forgiving mother would have put her kid's meal in the micro or reminded her that if she wanted a plate of cold food, that was her problem.

Summary: "Bulletin: Elly Patterson is a Hypocrtical, Shrieking Old Bitch! Film at 11."

Hypothesis: The Johnston compound is being saturated with e-mails expressing sympathy for ELLY'S plight.