April 1st, 2008

Snarky Candiru2

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

The sad thing about today's strip is that even though it is April Fool's Day, Lynn is not joking about what her characters do or say.

Panel 1: Connie starts off by pointing out great it would be to be 30 because people are more open-minded. Unlike, say, John Patterson.

Panel 2: Also, men actually seem to want to do domestic stuff like going dishes, helping out with children and so on and so forth. Again, unlike John Patterson.

Panel 3: You see, when they were Liz's age, they were expected to hold down a job AND do the housework. John Patterson only expected her to do the latter while Mike expects Dee to do both.

Panel 4: This causes Elly to spout a non-sequitur about how that caused them to be lard-arsed.

Hypothesis: Connie is rubbing Elly's nose in how lousy John was as a husband and how rotten her son is. Also, Elly will do anything to avoid connecting her horrific diet and her wide rump.
Snarky Candiru2

Mira's Letter, April 2008

We've had a lot of false starts waiting for spring to arrive but it look like we've finally turned a corner. I can hardly wait for the snow to melt so I can get the garden ready for another year. Speaking of false starts, the people in Milborough are getting ready for another thing I can hardly wait to see. I've just been told that Captain Action's sister Elizabeth is engaged to the morose bag of nothing they waved under my nose last Christmas. From what little I am allowed to know, it would seem there was no passion in their proposal. Deanna described what amounted to a business merger as being something grand and glorious. Super. At least she has feelings for her stumblebum husband; Elizabeth is getting married she doesn't really care for so she can prove that she's not a failure as a woman. Hell, even I know how far behind the times that is. Too bad they're mired in the fifties. I mean, they even want her to wear her grandmother's dress that they found in a crawlspace. I got a lot of well-deserved heat for trying to shove my tastes down Deanna's throat but they can make her wear something that it cost a two or three mortgage payments to repair. Like I said, last month, they're crazy As 'fun' as listening to the antics of the disturbed sounds, what makes it all the better is that the screaming maniac martiarch has appointed herself Wedding Planner. It hurts a bit knowing that the things I did out of love will always be regard as interference when the vulgar abomination she unleahes will be seen as a great thing. Watching her screeching, flapping her arms like a bird trying to take off and noisily blowing her repulsively bulbous nose because of some minor crisis should make up for that, though. If only she were to get the help I did with my control issues. It seems clear there's something wrong with her that needs more than a kick to the rump to fix. For starters, she could she could lose the negative attitude. It's as if she's only happy when she's got something to complain about. Worse, her negativity is infectious. That's why Deanna married a helpless do-nothing. That's why Liz settled for a dreary boob. That's why the wedding will be an atrocity. I've never seen a train wreck before so I'm looking forward to further developments. Heck, maybe there'll be a fist fight when Caine's ex wife shows up. Anyway, thanks for your patience and I'll talk to you next month.

Yours,
Mira.
howbandaid

The Pets' Letter, April 2008

Hi all. It's Elly, intrepid reporter, covering the pets' letter this month. Our two-legged creature is too busy getting ready for her sister’s wedding, and she also claims she is too busy digging herself out from under what is, allegedly, a mountain of homework to do the job.

Is the winter over yet? The dogs are going absolutely crazy being inside so much. Connie and I walked them back in January, and you would think the dogs would remember that. Most days are just too cold, so we chase them around the back yard for a bit and throw tennis balls for them, but it's just not enough. They have a charming ability to get great wads of snow stuck to the fur between their toes, along with pebbles and all kinds of other detritus that gets tracked all over the house. We had been putting the old mop through its paces every time they came back inside; when John came up with the idea that we could put the dogs in the basement for the winter. We promised April we would develop the basement into a room for her; but it's so convenient to have the dogs there.

Of course, April had to remind us again of that promise when Liz came over to show April her engagement ring, and Liz found April in her “upstairs” bedroom. April was upset Liz teased her about how she wasn’t engaged yet. Elizabeth is so grown up now she’s going to get married, but sisters will still pick fights with each other no matter how old they get. It’s just part of having a sister. Of course, April was also upset when John and I went to dad’s apartment to celebrate his birthday, and we didn’t take her or Dixie. It’s not like dad noticed either one of them was missing; but John and I still have to deal with her typical teenager bad mood. I don’t think having a room in a basement would change that. Besides, the basement is just perfect for the dogs.

Mike tells me that our little rabbit, Miss Butterscotch, is still alive, despite the best efforts of my favourite grandchildren Robin and Meredith to change that condition.

My favourite grandcat, Shiimsa, has experienced her semi-annual flirtation with snow. Liz often takes Shiimsa outside on a harness, and every so often the cat insists on going outside despite the fact that there's been a snowfall. She'll leap out energetically through the front door, land majestically on the snowy grass, experience a moment of horror at finding herself belly-deep in cold white stuff, and then scramble up Liz's pant leg whining affrontedly and glaring at the ground. I hear it's very entertaining to watch, although I also hear that cats are smart - and this doesn't seem like especially bright behaviour to me. Who knows? With Liz’s wedding coming up, one of these days she’s going to have to make a decision about Shiimsa, and it would certainly be easier to decide where to put a dumb animal than a bright one.

Well, that's about it for now. I'm cooking up a pot roast and I have an eager face staring at me, drooling and begging for eats. Not one of the dogs, but John. April has stopped eating with us for some reason. I expect it’s a hunger strike over her room.

All in all, all the beasts are spoiled, healthy and happy. Good to know!
Elly
Community - Wah Wah Wah!

Home Sweat Home

On the news page, it has been announced that Lynn's newest book has been released and it includes a cover of the book. It shows:

-John holding on to a leaking bag of dog food while Edgar hangs around him in excitement
-Dixie is sniffing at the food on the floor while Robin is picking up a piece that he wants to eat (his cheek is puffed up in the picture indicating that he's already eating some)
-Elly is looking like a frump carrying a sewing machine (she looks like she's sporting some flab in the stomach area)
-April is carrying a box and is looking out the window with a sad look on her face
-Merrie is carrying a lamp and is wearing the lampshade on her head
-Mike is carrying kitchen supplies as silverware is flying in the air for some reason; it also looks like he's carrying rakes but it looks like one of those dishracks where people used to lay their dishes in after washing them so they can dry.

From the News page: http://www.fborfw.com/news/