March 1st, 2008

Royally Peeved Candiru

Sunday, March 2, 2008

Today's strip is from the Early Years featuring Patented Patterson God-Awful Parenting Skills. It's late at night and Liz is in her crib crying. Elly realizes that little Lizzie is thirsty and sends John out to give her a glass of milk, no soubt having attended to her earlier and thinking it only fair that he take his turn. Bad idea, Elly. The Future Train Fairy is as dumb as a treestump when he's wide awake; a half-asleep John isn't going to be any brighter. He's smart enough to put her in the high chair but not smart enough to remember who's supposed to drink the milk. After he drinks it, he leaves the room and turns off the light with a thirsty, confused, frightened Elizabeth still sitting in the high chair, the stupid dick. As a stand-alone, this wasn't all that funny. As part of a pattern of ignoring timid, quiet Liz's concerns to answer those of a shouting glory-hog, it's sort of a clue as to why the woman is so needy, she'll ruin her life for a man who makes her feel special.
Snarky Candiru2

The March Bio: Fiona Brass

In the March biography, we feature the fault the Pattersons were generous to: John's cousin Fiona, the con artist. Thrill to her adventures as a the daughter of a drunken lowlife. Gasp in amazement as she decides that while John and Elly are off limits, Liz and especially Mike can still be rooked.

The Pets' Letter, March 2008

Greetings. It's Liz, with a quick update on the animals. I have a class to prepare for and tests to correct, so I don't have a lot of time to write this.

I don't see much of Buttsy; she's a very cute rabbit though. Deanna says that her kids figured out there was a rabbit in the rec room of the house this past month, and they got into a fight over who got to play with it. That's just like Deanna's kids--always fighting, except when they are unconscious. Thank goodness my students are not like them. I'd like to get a bunny for my students, but then, I'd have to take it home with me over the summer holidays (and all the other holidays!) and with my spending so much time over at Anthony’s house these days, I am afraid I would come back to my apartment and find Shiimsa had eaten it. Oh well. It was a nice thought, if Shiimsa was a bit more sociable.

Speaking of Shiimsa, she knows something's up. She's noticed that I almost never spend any time in my apartment anymore unless I am trying to fool friends or family into believing Anthony and I are not living together. She's miffed, but not as miffed as she was the first week I spent over at Anthony’s and forgot to come back and feed her. She shredded the curtains and left all kinds of little presents all over the apartment that time. My little joke with Shiimsa is that since I am hardly at the apartment anymore, she owns the place and I am the visitor. Isn’t that funny? I think home ownership suits her, because she is very affectionate whenever I see her. She jumps on my shoulder and purrs, when I am typing on the computer; instead of her old habit of deleting all my computer work by leaping on the keyboard.

When I finally move in with Anthony after we are married and everyone knows about it (I am telling you, because nobody reads these Pets' letters anyway), she'll like the new place, I hope. It's tiny in comparison to the Sharon Park Drive house, but she won’t have to worry about missing meals. Her routines are of the utmost importance to her. She'll have to work out new ones again in Anthony’s house. I should say, “and my house too.” Until then, Shiimsa has to stay in the apartment. It would certainly “give away” my living situation with Anthony if Shiimsa was at his house too. Besides there are definite perks to the apartment, I may not ever want to give up. What most people don’t realize is that Anthony’s house on Weaver Street is the same house Gordon Mayes grew up in, and so it is within walking distance of Mike’s house and mom’s house. My apartment is all the way across town, near the school where I teach, and hardly anyone from my family goes there to visit. That can be a real blessing when I want to get away from everyone.

The dogs are doing fine. I drove by my mom’s house and I saw Eddy and Dixie in the yard and they both seemed to be alive.

Anyway, I need to be off. I have a litter box to clean, and vacuuming to do, and those teaching things too. Take care.
Lady Candiru 2

Mira's Letter, March 2008

I've always wondered what a letter from Mira would look like. My guess is that we'd see something like:

Here it is March again after an old-fashioned winter. Soon enough, the snow and ice will give way to flowers and green grass. I just wish worrying about Deanna would give way to not living in a state of apprehension. Case in point: In my latest phone call with Meredith, I was told two things the alarmed me. The first was that it took seven months after he'd taken posession of his parent's old house for the idiot to decide that my grandchildren should have their own bedrooms. Second, I was told that she'd gotten a "bump bed". A "BUMP BED." Deanna then explained that she'd gotten the idea (by which she, of course, meant rubber-stamped her twit husband's reckless notion) of buying my grandchild a loft bed. When I asked her why she'd do such a questionable thing, she responded that she'd got the idea from someone named Anthony Caine. It seems that young (ha! she looks ten years older than her brother) Elizabeth is sort of dating a single father. I haven't been able to pry many details away from anyone about what their story is but what little I hear of their relationship and, for that matter, the young man himself doesn't fill me with the same romantic feelings it inspries in the Pattersons. I remember him from that nasty Christmas dinner and feeling underwhelmed. Not only was I looked at with angry stares for delaying their appalling gorging for the ninety seconds it took to say grace, I was also asked to fawn over a revolting little worm the shrieking harridan mother and imbecile dentist father were hailing as a modern-day Sir Galahad. It seems this hero has his three year old sleeping on the top bunk. It's as if there's something in the water that makes them reckless when it comes to child safety. Instead of steering clear of bad advice from silly people and saving money by buying a regular bed with a trundle bed underneath, Deanna slavishly copies the bad example of people her lunatic mother-in-law approves of. I'm beginning to think she's beyond human aid. Andrea, I can work with. I can get past the disappointment of her eloping because she's otherwise sane. Deanna looks like she's gone nuts trying to fit in with the crazies. I'd like to continue with this but I have too many things to do today. Thank you for your patience and I hope to get in touch with you soon.

Yours, Mira.

Two letters from minor characters

Hello Everyone. It's Carleen Stein, writing for myself and Josef Weeder. When I told him about the idea to write a letter like this, he made a joke about maybe I should write it, and he'll take the pictures to include. "Oh, great," I said, "I knew you saw me as a replacement Mike!"

All kidding aside, it's pretty obvious how much he misses Mike. He never really open up about it, but it's always there. He'll mention how they planned to start a business together, and last month, when we were in China for some shoots, he said that he and Mike once talked about going to the Great Wall together. I can't imagine Mike was ever really serious about that kind of talk, but apparently Josef really took it to heart.

I know how he feels too--my two closest friends from college have kids, and it seems like every conversation we have is about Elijah, Christian, and Hunter (Christian being a boy, and Hunter being a girl, by the way). They're aways asking when Jo and I will have kids--not "when you you get married?" but "when will you have kids?" I tell them over and over that I'm just not interested in having a family (and haven't been, ever! Not even when I was a teenager), and they'll tell me that I'll change my mind. When? I'm 31 years old--shouldn't I have already changed my mind? They mean well, I know--but it's getting exhausting to spend any time with them at all. Jo's parents might be the worst, though. Mine are okay, probably because my younger siblings all have kids, but Jo's dad mentions it almost every time they talk, like he needs an heir or something. Mike and Deanna aren't so bad, I guess, but there's definitely some weirdness going on. I feel like they look down on us or something for not having kids.

Speaking of, we saw the two of them recently. Things are remaining  localized for us on the work-front (at least until May), so we invited them to our place to cook them dinner (really! Jo's become quite an accomplished chef. He still relies on cookbooks and recipes, but he knows his way around the kitchen), but they said the drive was too long. So we met half way (kinda) in Weston, which I think is a neighborhood at the far end of Toronto, but Jo says it's a first ring suburb. It's becoming a little gentrified, but there's some great Indian restaurants there. I was looking forward to seeing Mike and Deanna--it's been months! We've done so much since we last saw them--China, Belize, and an amazing trip to Alaska (that one was pleasure, not business)--we weren't gonna set up a slide projector or anything, but I thought Deanna especially would've interested in hearing about it. Instead, I feel like we just talked about Meredith going to school, and she and Robin getting their own rooms (which was weird to me--I hadn't realized they'd been sharing a room). And Deanna made a big deal about Mike being a stay-at-home dad, and talked about how Robin is starting to show signs of being gifted linguistically, something about him playing with words. Maybe that had to do with "bunk beds/bump beds" story they told? Anyway--I should say that they also talked about other things--Deanna mentioned a couple times some volunteer work she does with an AIDS organization--but for the most part, it was all about their kids, who, honestly, kind of sound like brats. I know, I know--I'm totally being the judgmental childless person here, but both kids seem really out of control. Anyway, dinner was nice, and it is always nice to catch up with people.

Jo seemed kind of distracted on the way home. I hope he wasn't thinking about having kids!


Hey hey! This is Julia--I'm glad to catch everyone up with what I'm doing. I'd kinda hoped that I'd have the chance to appear in the strip again, but I guess that's not happening. Too bad--I think I'm pretty fun to watch : )

The big news is I got a new job! This was back at the beginning of the year, but I'd been looking for awhile. Mayes Motors was great, but there wasn't a whole heck of a lot of room for advancement. The accounting department was just me and another guy (who was a part-timer). I suppose I could have tried to finagle Anthony's job, but no way he would leave! He's been there almost ten years, and he's 27 years old. Think about that for second.

Plus, I was looking forward to moving closer to the city. I got a great job at a big architecture firm close to downtown. My favorite part of the job is that I get to do a lot of teaching and training, and I get to meet just about everyone in the office. I'll admit--I've got a very outgoing personality! That was one of my issues with Mayes; everyone was nice, just so deadly serious all the time, and not much for socializing. I remember the Monday after that wedding I went to with Anthony (man, I can't remember the bride and groom's names. Isn't that awful?!), he came into the office, and just looked like his regular hangdog self. "Oh, man!" I thought. "Things must have went TERRIBLY after I left, and he tried to pick up his HS GF." I felt sooooo guilty--it was my idea for him to even talk to her! I didn't even want to mention it--I kept avoiding him. But eventually, weeks later, he did talk to me about that girl, and it turns out things went really well. ?!?!?! Really?! You could have fooled me. He didn't look like a man in love.

When I had my going away happy hour after work in January (which, again--I had to plan. Sheesh, the social life of those people has probably gone completely downhill since I left), Anthony invited her (and I can't remember her name either! I'm normally so good at that, too), so I guess they must still be seeing each other. They even said that Anthony and his little girl spent Christmas with whatshername's family, which is a big step, especially since Anthony is so close with his mother. That must have been a big deal.

Well, I'm happy for them, and I wish them the best. I just wish they'd act like they were happy, too!

Speaking of dating, I'm still playing the field. I was seeing this guy James, and we still get together every once in awhile, but nothing serious. But I did meet this guy a few weeks ago. His name's Warren, and he's a helicopter pilot. I'm crazy about him! He's coming into Toronto next weekend, in fact! I only just met him, so I don't want to jinx anything, but I've got good vibes from him. Last time I talked to him, he kept mentioning over and over again how his job has him traveling a lot, and it takes a special kind of person to be cool with that, but for the time being, I think it'll work out well. Plus, if things get more serious, I've got a pretty transferable job--I can be an accountant anywhere he goes; I could even freelance.

Keep me in your thoughts!

Hugs and Kisses,

Koumori and her Laptop

(no subject)

Candace's blog has been updated! What Candace was really thinking during her and Rudy's visit.

Edit: Ok, I fixed the italics (LJ won't let me use them for some reason, so I just deleted them.) and the date. The blog is written on the first of the month, and it reflects on the previous month. I hope that clears things up.