"Adventures in Babysitting"
All week long, I have felt as if I had the Babysitting Job from Hell. There just seems no end to the schemes and bendovers from this horrible little cretin named Mike Patterson. And it wasn't just the fact that every day, the little monster increased his ability to menace far worse than Dennis Mitchell ever aspired. No, it was the fact that his achievements were introduced with an incredible, unbelievable brand of hero-worship from his sister Liz. Liz, the one he constantly bedeviled all through her young life, the one he hung the unfortunately sobriquet "Lizardbreath" on. Mother of Mercy, if the guy is found with body parts in his basement freezer chest, is Liz going to simply write it off as "Mike was an inventive budding researcher?"
Okay, now that my little mini-rant is over, on to today's offering of Wicked Intent:
First panel: Mike is poised before the mail slot in the door, patiently counting down and anticipating something noteworthy.
Second panel: Mike yells, "YAAAAA" until it strings out like so much pizza cheese from a thick gooey slice;
Third panel: Outside the door, the poor suffering mailman is hit by the rest of Mike's "--AAAAAAHHH!" so hard he looks he got slugged with a wind tunnel, or is that guy in the audio ad a few years ago.
WTF is so admirable about putting the local mail carrier through this premeditated torment? Mike's chosen the time of day, he's counted down, he delivered his mischeif with all the vocal malevolence of an Ethel Merman on acid. He KNOWS what he's doing, the little BASTARD.
And what about Elly? Yesterday she fussed at him for cursing under her window, but today he's screeching out the mail slot and she's nowhere to be seen. I wonder, do his shitstorms of brilliance happen on a regular basis, or is Mike particularly selective about when he pulls these pranks? I wouldn't put it past the little bleeder if he made a mess somewhere else in the Pattermanse because he knows Elly won't make him clean it up. She'll do it herself, leaving him to abuse public servants at will.
What smart, sensitive, theatrical young Michael doesn't realize is that he has chosen the wrong mark upon whom to pull his prank. Michael, the man is a Postal Worker. Think about it. And when he's had enough and decides to go postal, I hope he gets all up in your smarmy little ass. That possibility makes this whole babysitting gig go down much, much better.
I REALLY HOPED FOR SOMETHING INSPIRING
Well, as usual Iris hasn't got a freakin' clue as to what is on Jim's mind and is not ever likely to, for that matter. She's got him all propped up in front of the telly and to her credit, tries to get him to watch the Remembrace Day ceremonies. We see nicely depicted scenes of Jim in wartime, as he grabs up a street urchin and keeps her out of harm's way while some European town I assume, gets shelled.
Then Meredith show up (what the hell, why not April, his standard caring progeny? Lynn's still throwing St. Michael's family at us as a reminder that he's STILL THE ALPHA MALE) and Meri asks if he got to see the show he wanted to watch. Give her a point for actually knowing what her great-grampa might want.
But Iris, fucking dumb as a post Iris, says with her typical I Am Right Because People Pity Me assurance, "No Meredith. He slept right through it."
How the blue hell does she know for sure? Was he snoring? Didn't see the zzz's and you know Lynn's the Queen of Onomatopoeia, she'd have those zzz's and a *snort!* and/or *Snerk!* thrown in to boot. Maybe what the announcer said triggered those memories and he just sat with his eyes shut and recalled them. That doesn't mean he SLEPT, Iris. Just because he doesn't have the ability to stare agog at the world like you do, doesn't mean he doesn't have it together otherwise. However, I notice when YOUR bug-eyed, potato-nosed, deer-in-the-headlights-stare showed up, he stopped going down memory lane. Maybe he realized that he was stuck in the now with Mrs. I'll-Speak-For-You-And-Get-It-Wrong and didn't see the point in even remembering the horrors of war, in the face of the now.
Besides, Asshat, Jim was THERE. He LIVED through it, he didn't particularly need to hear the ceremony to know what he went through.
I was really counting on this to be one of those nice straightforward tribute strips, but anytime Iris decides to "interpret " for Jim, I get pissed off. Maybe another reason I want to see Jim's RCAF days treated in the strip, is that Iris wouldn't be in it except to misinterpret him now and again. All I can hope for is that Jim will go into that Great Goodnight and a well-deserved eternal rest, and Iris will quickly fade and I don't care, die. Well, so much for my final entry post being an upbeat one. Damn Iris.
Thank you all for allowing me the opportunity to lead the snark this past week. It's been a blast. Now go forth and thank a Veteran today, folks.
-- Truman Fable