August 8th, 2007

Oh for F*ck's Sake!!

Well, you'll all be happy to know that there is no tonsil hockey happening in today's strip. Having said that, this strip is still worthy of Teh Vomit. Barf bags at the ready, crew...barf bags at the ready.

Panel 1: The Lizard and Teh NoStache are snuggling and the biohazard afterglow from their fornication is still hugely purple and present. (Eeew...bad image! Sorry!) "After all these years, Elizabeth. After all these years."  gggGGGGRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrr!! Yes, all those years, you TwinTards [TM] – during which you both emotionally f*cked over the partners you were with. Double shame on Granthony, who was so completely out of touch with his own feelings that he actually married Thérèse knowing full well that he was still in love with Teh Lizard, and then harried his unsuspecting wife into having a kid. Two words, buddy: Dumb. Ass! Whoops, my bad. I used the wrong two words. I meant to say: Die! Painfully!

Panel 2: And we have the obligatory silhouette shot so typical of FOOB. BOOOORING!  Now the TwinTards [TM] are standing on a bridge? Where the hell did that come from? When the hell did these two get out of the visual range of the idiots at the S & M wedding?!? They. Didn't!! Good gods, Lynn. This is the worst back-assward reinvention attempt to fill in that I've ever seen. Piss poor! Detention in the Slytherin dungeon for you. You can clean my leaky cauldrons and my empty potion jars. I hope you transfigure into a hairy bat and get used as monster bait.

Granthony tells Teh Lizard he should have married her while they were in uni. Yeah, that would have gone over really well, asshat considering LizardBreath was bumping uglies with Eric at the time. (No Lynnions, don't give me that wide-eyed innocent look. They were totally doing it. This. Is. NOT. The. 50s!) Teh Lizard opts for tact and says "I wasn't ready then." So coy. So innocent. So not buying it, Lizard.

Panel 3:
Biohazard glow reaches a crescendo. I didn't realize the TwinTards [TM] glowed more when they're being so drama.

"Are you ready now?" Granthony asks. Sh*t. Buddy, you have no clue! Teh Lizard replies "To get married? Perhaps." Oh lordy, lordy. Teh Lizard totally knows how to play it cool. We know that she's been thought bubbling her desperation to be married for the last year. Or is this just another symptom of the GuessI'llSettlepocalypse? She's desperate to marry...unless it's Granthony? Oh hell, that's so dysfunctional, I almost like it!

Panel 4: Granthony tells Teh Lizard that he's not in a rush to get married and that he can wait. Someday, but not now. Really? Could it be that all Teh Pornstache wanted was some Lizard Tail? I would Totally! Love! That! It would give me the greatest ironic evil glee to see Lizard of Troy get pwned by Teh Pornstache. Roses, starlight and a moustache ride, Lizard. That's all you can hope for with the man who has no hooooooooooooome. Sweet! *cackles*

Panel 5: "After all this time." An allusion back to the first panel's "after all these years." Seriously? This is the best that LJ can come up with? Must say, it's the sh*ttiest example of literary bookending that I've ever seen. Piss poor, LJ. And completely useless. It doesn't add to the poignancy of this moment for me. In fact, it angers me. So, you two have waited all this time, f*cked over a pile of people, and now you're going to wait because you can? W! T! F!?!?! GrrraaaAAAHHHHHhhhrrr!! *turns green, shirt rips* Hulk smash!!

Oh yes...and what is with Teh Lizard holding up her dress at the corner like she's wearing a floor length gown in panels 4 and 5? She has enough clearance around the bottom of her dress...she doesn't need to play the Lady Regal and be all prissy. Or is Lizard's grasp on her skirt to keep her roving hand away from Teh Pornstache's other parts? Eeeew!! Sorry...second one of the night. Bad brain...bad image in my head. Gaaaaah!!